Before I begin tonight’s recap, this seems as good a time as any to mark the passing of fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who passed away earlier this week at the age of 96. Arguably the first fitness guru to gain national fame and acclaim, Mr. LaLanne’s famous philosophy of proper diet and exercise predated The Biggest Loser by more than five decades. I know most people know him chiefly for the infomercials where he hawked his juicers, but the man was a living legend, who pioneered the field of fitness, opening what might have been the first fitness center in the U.S. in 1936 and forever dazzling us with his remarkable feats of strength when he was well past what most people would consider middle-age. Rest in peace, Jack… your legacy will (hopefully) live on forever.
Last week, after two weeks of complete X-Files-level mystery, the two brand-spanking-new trainers were finally revealed to be… two people I’ve never heard of. Would that be considered a letdown? I mean, it’s not like I’m that familiar with celebrity trainers and fitness gurus anyway, but did this really need to be such a dramatically-kept secret? Anyway, an episode rife with health revelations and personal drama ended with a rather nasty segment that involved twin brothers/cops Dan and Don, the Black Team, unbelievably GAINING nine pounds apiece. Which is, by far, the largest that I remember seeing on this show by any contestant who didn’t have immunity. How does one gain nine pounds in a situation that forces you to exercise and eat right? Hopefully the explanation will come this week.
Since Dan was sent home last week, said explanation is going to have to come from Don, who is likely to have Bob and Jillian’s feet up his backside for the duration. Additionally, because this episode was telecast after the State of the Union address, there will be only one hour of material to cover as opposed to the usual two hours. And finally, I’ll remind you once again that this is the final week of immunity for the ten-strong squad dubbed “The Unknowns”, who will join the remaining Ranchers on the Ranch next week. (I can’t wait to see what life will be like with FOUR trainers in the gym, assuming it comes to that. I would assume that Cara and Brett will be allowed to continue to train the Unknowns for as long as they’re still in the game.)
We join the Ranchers mere minutes after the previous weigh-in, and all eyes are on Don, obviously. Don insists that he and Dan did not throw the weigh-in, but I don’t think anyone believes him (he even professes his innocence in interview). The Aqua and Purple teams don’t, that’s for sure.
This week’s challenge was a “temptation” challenge. The Ranchers were led into a room stacked floor to ceiling with foods that each of the contestants have admitted to eating to the point of gluttony. For example: Arthur’s weapon of choice is a large supreme pizza, which his local pizzeria would deliver to him every evening without him even calling in an order. (And as an aside, I would love to do something disgusting to the storefront of that pizzeria. That’s just shameful.)
The challenge was that each team would have three minutes alone in the room to decide if they were going to eat any of the food laid out before them, and the team that consumed the most calories would have the power to send one of the other teams to join the Unknowns for one week, or, as Allison puts it, “smack dab in enemy territory.” The only contestant who decides to partake is Arthur, who eats one fried chicken leg (Jesse’s guilty pleasure). And they decide that the team that will be leaving the Ranch for the week is the Green Team, Jay and Jennifer. At first, they react negatively to the news, but they decide to make the best of it. Of course, joining the Unknowns does NOT mean that the Green Team has immunity like the Unknowns do. Arthur picked them because they were the “strongest team” on the Ranch, and was confident that they could put up a big number no matter where they worked out.
So after the initial shock of having unexpected visitors wears off, Jennifer explains to the Unknowns what brought them there, and the Unknowns greeted them cordially enough, particularly Q, which is nice. When Cara and Brett arrive, they explain that things work differently at their camp, which involves a lot of boxing. So they put the Green Team through a few paces, and Cara is impressed with how far they’ve come already.
Back at The Ranch, the remaining Ranchers have begun their first workout, and when Bob and Jillian arrive they immediately pounce on Don, who continues to say that he did not give up on himself or them. Jillian gets in Don’s face and tells him that he’s afraid to show his true feelings, and Don responds by going on a bleep-filled tirade. This seems to satisfy her (a little), but Gentle Bob interviews that Don has to overcome whatever’s bringing him down, or he’ll be going home next.
Not much in the way of “breakthroughs” this week, due to the shortness of the episode, but we did learn from Courtney that her mother Marci has a tendency to “fix” things for her, usually in response to criticism of Courtney. Jillian (who, if you didn’t know, has a degree in psychology) explains that Courtney needs to have a conversation with her mother about setting their issues straight. (And later in the episode, they do just that.)
The Green Team, meanwhile, have found out just how different life is at Fitness Ridge, and not just because of the substance of the workouts. At the Ranch, contestants are required to make their own beds and prepare their own meals. Not so at the Ridge, which provides properly-cooked meals and bed-making services for them. It really is a like a vacation resort, minus the gift shop. Can’t help but wonder how the Unknowns are going to adjust to the less-cushy atmosphere of the Ranch next week.
The second challenge of the night is much like the first, except that instead of eating their favorite foods, the players must guess the sum total of everyone’s favorite foods, combined. And since the Green Team has been separated from the rest of the Ranchers, this week, for this particular challenge it was the Green Team vs. the other eight Ranchers, and the prize for the winners were letters from home (a Green victory would secure letters for them and all the Unknowns). So Allison lifts the covers off of ten dishes to reveal one portion of their favorite foods: pizza, mac and cheese, barbecued ribs, assorted cakes, etc. The total for these ten dishes ended up being 8,754 calories (holy hell), and though they made the game equal considering the manpower disadvantage the Green Team had, it was the eight others that ended up winning.
The eight winners sit down and enjoy their mail, some of which we get to hear about, while the Green Team is sent back to the Ridge empty-handed. One nice moment was the brief note that Don’s son Paul, who disassociated himself from Don because of his weight problem, wrote explaining that he’s proud of his dad for trying. And with that, the shortened episode is over. No weigh-in, no elimination. That will have to come next week. Speaking of…
Next week: The Unknowns rejoin the Ranchers. Bob and Jillian get to meet the new trainers for the first time. And someone gains six pounds, incurring the wrath of Bob. (If it’s Don, I just don’t know what I’ll think.)
