The world of television is ever changing. Mostly having to do with reality stars and their “will they, won’t they” contract signing drama. But there’s a lot going on each week in TV, and not all of it’s good. We’ve decided that you, dear reader, deserve to have the most interesting of tales told laid out for you in a neat organized list form. Welcome to This Week In Television, where you see what’s worth your time over the past seven days.

The networks sure are interested in food this week. New shows, shows about people who are trying to diet and lose weight, established cable star chefs joining network programming. It’s all a little much. But don’t worry, there’s politics afoot as well. That should keep everyone’s panties in a bunch for a little while. That’s if you can fit into your panties, what with all the processed food being shoveled down the gullet. There’s also nothing new to report on Idol this week, except for the season long theme of suckage that continues unabated. All of this happened, and more, in the past week. Now you know, and are a better person for it.

NBC wants their network to be involved in the TV food action
Paula Abdul isn’t too crazy for ABC

I have no idea why cooking is so pervasive in TV news this week, but we are not here to ask why. Wait. That’s kind of exactly the reason for this column’s existence. Bobby Flay, one of the best vinaigrette and sauce makers on TV (if not always the most innovative chef), has been tapped by NBC to join the search for America’s Next Great Restaurant. Let me save viewers time and just say that if Thomas Keller, someone trained in a kitchen of that caliber, or a fast food joint isn’t involved then we’re just getting the next restaurant in America featured on television. I mention Fast food just because people in this country like to eat horrible horrible things, which will be popular with them. Imagine Chef Boyardee not winning this, my childhood kitchen cupboard can’t. What’s crazier than trying to figure out how inane American Idol can get this season? Paula Abdul being approached to host a reboot of Star Search.

Obama ushers in the apocalypse.

There’s something about Healthcare Reform going on right now. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the end of times. President Obama decided to sit down with Fox News for a discourse on “his” healthcare reform plan. Enjoy life as you knew it, because now we’re all going to die as we watch the poor get the treatment we thought we were paying for. Remember how you learned the meek shall inherit the earth? They did it by lobbying for healthcare, and it’s time we all start ruing the day. I’m going to take Thursdays, if that’s OK.

Plenty of nightmares still abound in kitchens
Sharktopus is a real TV movie, and we don’t even have to dust off our VHS recordings of MST3K to watch
Someone doesn’t realize that BSG was great because there was a clear vision

Kitchen Nightmares is getting another season. There are still lots of restaurants you shouldn’t be eating at, and Gordon Ramsey wants to make sure you know about them. SyFy is going to be bringing back Morlocks and expect me to not wish for the original The Time Machine film. But then they make everything better with one glorious word: Sharktopus. Giant shark and octopus hybrid? Check. 40 foot testicles (Tentacles. N-T. Big difference)? Check. Eric Roberts? Check and mate. Then Ron Moore states that he’s interested in doing a Battlestar Galactica spinoff that isn’t lame, which sounds more ridiculous than Sharktopus.

Glee kids to appear on Oprah, but probably won’t dance on the couch. Or be creepy and crazy

You thought when Monday passed by this would be a Glee free week. How could we forsake those “kids,” even for a few days? They’re going to be on Oprah in April. And here I was thinking that show was off the air. When’s the last time you really heard anything about it? I still didn’t get my car, and I’m fairly certain Oprah pointed in my direction.

Jamie Oliver says you want a revolution

Hey look, some debonair fellow wrote a review of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution. Gosh, we really should thank him. I hear he likes girls swooning as he walks by, men tipping their hat in his direction, and babies that giggle and smile at him while in the grocery store checkout line.

Watching fat actress

Kirstie Alley is a fat actress, but she’s trying to not be that way. Or something similar that I think the fairer sex will relate to. Personally I had a fairly defined stomach at 20, but I’m not 20 anymore. Now I have a place to prop up my morning bowl of cereal.

Usher. Yeah!
CoCo may no longer be homeless

We’re getting an Usher week on American Idol. So after the three worthwhile songs I hope Lil Jon comes out. Because Usher without Lil Jon is a don’t watch. Conan O’Brien may land at Fox this fall, which may be the network’s first real shot at a late night talk show program that doesn’t suck.

That’s it for This Week In Television, March 15th through the 21st. Come back next Monday to catch up on all of the tasty bits we hid under our napkins because we know that Peeps are better when stale.

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