The world of television is ever changing. Mostly having to do with reality stars and their “will they, won’t they” contract signing drama. But there’s a lot going on each week in TV, and not all of it’s good. We’ve decided that you, dear reader, deserve to have the most interesting of tales told laid out for you in a neat organized list form. Welcome to This Week In Television, where you see what’s worth your time over the past seven days.

Sad news TWIT fans, we probably won’t be around for a few weeks. While it’s true that most of the work done in this column could be performed by cockroaches high on Walter White’s meth, we’ve run out of both. Your faithful head Twit is globe travelling to foreign lands, and I’m not certain they have the internet or television in Europe. But have no fear, we shall return to remind you how insipid American Idol has gotten in our absence. Here’s a little spoiler for the return article: it didn’t seem possible, but AI has been even more worthless as an hour of television than imaginable.

Chuck Changes
Glee Monday: The Return

I hate that Chuck is constantly on the edge of cancellation as it’s by far the best thing on Monday nights. But perhaps this looming threat keeps our favorite geek spy fresh as the show makes brilliant course corrections whenever the writers have no idea what could be ahead. We were without much in the way of Glee news this past week, but the Fox hit returned with a vengeance on Blend Television. If you like to spend money on charity, and don’t mind being called a “Gleek” (worst fandom name ever devised), then you can watch the spring premiere a little early. Me? I’ll be in Paris when the show comes back, but I’ll be thinking of all you and how much you’re enjoying Glee. That’s a lie.

Serenity continues to soar like a leaf on the wind
Donnie Wahlberg made dead people.

Anything new for the Firefly story is a good thing. Perhaps not a fan service book with pictures and other lameness, but this new book has bonus stories. Honestly I’d rather a reboot of the series, or a comic book. At this point we Firefly fans should just take our DVD box sets and treasure them. I like to look at mine and say, “I aim to misbehave.” Then I go make a smoked turkey sandwich and watch “Out of Gas.” Hey, Donnie Wahlberg (the superior of the clan Wahlberg) returns to television in a fantastic episode of In Plain Sight.

Oh Mandy! You came and you kicked me in the face…oh Mandy
No one knows what’s really happening on the island, but someone better find an abacus to count all this cash

When the creator of your show defends a lackluster plotline by saying it’s hard to do the show without certain devices I think that’s an admission of defeat. When 24 began we wondered how they could keep things going for multiple seasons, and the answer appears to be very tenuously. I’m not sure why Mr. Gordon wants to betray me, but perhaps there’s a twist reveal coming up that I sent him a plate with sweet potatoes when he clearly asked for roasted red potatoes with his steak. If any show deserves exorbitant amounts of ad revenue for it’s finale that show is Lost. This series has been one of the most innovative and great stories ever told in this medium. That doesn’t equate to ABC’s asking price being fiscally responsible for advertisers though.

2.5 Men – 1 = Still horrible show
Resistance to the iPad is futile. Please assimilate with care

If Charlie Sheen leaving Two and a Half Men is an April Fools joke, then it’s the worst one ever. Oh how us lovers of good television have been waiting for this moment. Everyone cross your fingers that the demise of this pile of putrid drivel is near the end. ABC shows on the iPad? OK, but is touch functionality added to Lost so I can push Kate over and laugh?

Smallville recaps are back. We’re sorry we have no power to make the show good

There’s a new recapper in the Blend Television landscape and they’re bringing you info on the latest adventures in Smallville. Or as it should be called, “The New Adventures in cliché and not quite yet Superman television show that should have been pulled years ago but CW has nothing better to offer.” Perhaps not pithy and punchy enough for a show title, but better than anything else Smallville has done recently.

We like to keep our Saturdays free for Facebook updating. It’s not easy managing our dozen fawning fans, all who strangely share our last name.

The only trick is Trump’s hair piece

I plan to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Studios Orlando some day. It could be fun. Watching Cyndi Lauper come up with marketing ideas for the park is not on my list of things to do in the meantime. Catching an episode of Top Gear? Sure. Killing an elk with just my wits and hands? Improbable, but I’m game.

That’s it for This Week In Television, March 29th through April 4th. Come back soon to catch up on all of the tasty bits we hid under our napkins because we know that Peeps are better when stale.

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