I suspect seventy percent of people rolled their eyes at hearing Simon West was all about doing a second Con Air, but honestly, fuck those haters. Besides, this news story isn’t for them. It’s for the other thirty percent that heard what was up and pumped their handcuffed-fists like champions. Con Air may very well be terrible in a lot of pronounced ways, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t simultaneously awesome. Anytime you can cram John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, Nic Cage, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, an Indian and some dude named Swamp Thing onto one plane, you have to go for it. You’d look like an idiot if you didn’t.
Now, I know what some of you are saying. What if I haven’t seen Con Air? Well, first of all, shame on you. Did you not live through the 90s? Titanic wishes it had Con Air-like cultural landmark status. Second of all, there’s an easy solution to that. Get on Netflix and pop all that badassness up to the top of your queue.
As for the thirty percent. Here’s something to hold you over. The comedy troupe Elephant Larry has put together an extremely explicit rap outlining the plot of Con Air. Honestly, I wish it had more Garland Greene, but at least Colm Meaney gets the credit he deserves. Once you get done recycling your sandals or some shit, take a look at the embed below…
Enthusiastic about Clue, case-of-the-week mysteries, the NBA and cookies at Disney World. Less enthusiastic about the pricing structure of cable, loud noises and Tuesdays.
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