I’ve probably read more than a thousand newspaper advice columns in my life. I love checking out the question, mentally deciding what answer I would give and then seeing how closely I match the author’s take. More often than not, we agree because, well, most issues have a relatively simple solution. This one, however, does not.

In today’s Dear Prudence column, a woman wrote in asking how to deal with a strange mother-in-law situation. Apparently, her husband’s mom came to stay in order to help take care of the newborn. The child started crying in the middle of the night, and when mom awoke to check on him, she found the little guy firmly latched onto her mother-in-law’s breast. You can take a look at an excerpt from the hilarious query below…
I figured she was just rocking him back to sleep and went to see if she needed anything, like a bottle from the fridge. When I entered the room I saw her holding my son to her breast, letting him suckle. I was (and am) livid. I took my son back to my room and told her she had to leave first thing in the morning. I want to call the police, but my husband thinks that would be taking things too far. We're at an impasse. Should we call the police? I'm hesitant to let her near my son again.

I’m sure I would be really pissed off if that happened with my own mother-in-law, but from an outside perspective, that’s beyond hysterical. How could anyone possibly think that was appropriate? Perhaps more pressingly, how could anyone not think to at least lock the door before getting up to such wild shenanigans. God only knows what other nonsense this woman has tried to get away with during her life.

Not surprisingly, Prudence advised a heart-to-heart talk and no police involvement. I would take it a step further and advise the mother to bury this secret deep down until the kid is in high school and does something inappropriate. Instead of punishing him, his parents should just whip out this gem. Living with that knowledge will be far more damning than any loss of Internet privileges.

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