The Brown Bunny

Except for the participants’ obvious unhappiness there’s nothing unusual about the fellatio but the question is: Why? Why is the full penis on display? Does Gallo want to stir up controversy? Does he want to make a cinematic statement about realism? Who knows – maybe he’s just a guy who’s really proud of his dick, or maybe he just thinks it’s really cool that Daisy swallows.

Constantine

The problem with Constantine is that he’s meant to epitomize man’s longing for salvation (destroy evil ghouls, go to Heaven) but he comes across as just another clinically depressed, hot-looking Angeleno living in a windowless apartment. It doesn’t help that the slimy demons he battles look like the monsters from Alien, thus encouraging peevish viewers to make unkind comparisons between that classic horror flick and this lame one.

March of the Penguins

The first shot is a long panorama of toddling figures dwarfed against towering cliffs of blue ice and snow. These are the intrepid males, laboriously walking and sliding more than 70 miles from the ocean shoreline to their remote mating and nursery site. The journey is impressive, the average temperature is –58 degrees Fahrenheit, and the subsequent teamwork of the couples that struggle to keep eggs and youngsters alive during the cruel winter is awesome.

Miss Congeniality 2:  Armed and Fabulous

[Bullock] has recently shown herself to be capable of gritty drama (Crash) but something terrible happens when she gets behind the wheel of a screwball comedy. She tries hard for the kind of self-deprecating sarcasm that Bill Murray does so well, but great comics like Murray always make funny look easy, something that Bullock with her strained, toothy grin and overactive hand gestures, tends to forget.

In My Country

Screenwriter Peabody, and director John Boorman, realized that abstract moral questions and a journalist’s factual reporting couldn’t sustain a full, feature length film so they had to craft a story around their fictionalized Anna. It was necessary but their overcooked plot sticks too many busy complications onto Anna’s life. They should have studied the understated dialogue and restrained acting in Hotel Rwanda as a successful model of how to mix historical truth with fictionalized details.

Star Trek: Insurrection (Special Collector's Edition)

Basically, the fun is gone. I never thought I would say this but it's enough to make me pine for Captain Kirk, who strutted proud and pudgy in his tight unitard while he seduced outer-space babes. At least William Shatner looked like he was having a good time.

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