There’s a whole lot of things that could go wrong during a Thanksgiving dinner - the turkey might be dry, you could run out of sweet potatoes early, or the pumpkin pie might be under-cooked. But nothing can ruin a meal faster than an obnoxious guest. Insulting your relatives and being a total weirdo is generally not good practice during a nice meal, but some people simply don’t have the ability to control themselves. Movies are filled with characters like these.
From Bluto Blutarsky of Animal House
to Cousin Eddie of the National Lampoon’s Vacation
movies, these are people you slip fake addresses to when they ask what you’re doing for the holidays. They’re cheap, loud, gross, weird and, above all, embarrassing. Now, without further ado, here is Cinema Blend’s list of 12 movie characters you’d never want to come to your Thanksgiving dinner. Obviously there are plenty more weirdos in movie history you'd also avoid passing the gravy to, so chime in the comments with your favorite terrible dinner guests.
Cousin Eddie, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
You don't even need to use your imagination to know that Cousin Eddie would be a terrible dinner guest-- just look at the havoc he wreaks on the Griswold family, replace their collection of elderly relatives with your own, and figure out if your nearest sewer is strong enough to handle the chemicals running off from his RV. Plus you'd better believe he won't be bringing any side dishes-- the guy doesn't have the money to buy his kids Christmas presents, for God's sake.
Frito is O.K., only under the context he’ll repeat to your mother how much he loves her turkey a thousand times. Otherwise Frito is a graceless character, and the dumbest character even in a film called Idiocracy
. Frito is only a good idea to bring to dinner if you’re trying to get your parents to kick you out of the house: give him ten minutes and he will masterbate, crack any number of fart jokes, and probably drool all over that Ralph Lauren sweater you convinced him to wear by telling him it was made of money, and you still would have to get through dessert.
A good Thanksgiving dinner is a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner. I’m not sure anything ruins a meal faster than people getting sprayed in the face with your entrails, but that’s exactly what Kane from Alien
brings to the table (if you’d pardon the pun). Sure, he might act fine and healthy, but the second he starts spazzing out and a xenomorph leaps from his rib cage you’ll have to hang your head in embarrassment.
Corey Flood, Say Anything
Even with her shiny-haired good looks, Corey Flood would not be an ideal candidate for dinner. Even before she pulls out a guitar to sing about her life and loves and totally ruin desert, her sardonic wit would really get her into trouble with parents. Dad: “Can you pass the peas, pleas?” Corey Flood: “You would ask that of a woman. Most men are pigs. But not Joe, not Joe.”
Having been locked up by his family his whole life, Sloth doesn't know much about table manners, much less why people would gather together to eat in the presence of their relatives. If he came with his handler Chunk he might stand a chance at sitting still at the table without causing a commotion, but I dare you to try and eat your stuffing while looking at his misshapen face. Plus, his devotion to eating Baby Ruths and only Baby Ruths mean he wouldn't even try your great-aunt's pie, and that's an insult that will definitely never be forgotten.
Regina George’s Mom, Mean Girls
At least Mrs. George is very generous, the kind of woman who would bring a bottle of champagne for the grownups and sparkling grape juice for the kids, only to spike the juice with schnapps so that everyone could get drunk—as long as it’s in the house. With kids falling out of chairs and grownups behaving inappropriately Mrs. George would be able to practice talking hip and dancing like teenage skanks along with the rest of the crowd. After all, Mrs. George wants nothing more than to fit in with everyone, even if it means wearing something low cut to show off those fake boobs to the nephews. That is the 411.
Uncle Frank, Home Alone
Uncle Frank is a cheapskate, so you'd better not count on him coming with a dish or even shelling out when you have to make a last-minute booze run halfway through dessert. Plus he'll probably come and stay the night with his wimpy son Fuller, which means you've got to bust out the rubber sheets. And whatever you do, don't take him up on his offer to sing "Cool Jerk" as you clean up the plates-- unless you've got a Talk Boy to record it for blackmail later.
Bluto, Animal House
In the words of Bab Jansen, John “Bluto” Blutarsky of Animal House
is a “P-I-G Pig.” Sure, his drunken antics are fun at first, particularly for the younger set, but this particular member of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity is not someone you want hanging around your grandparents. Also, God help you if your particular Thanksgiving meal features mashed potatoes – you’ll be privy to a zit impersonation that you’ll never forget and always regret.
Howie, The Benchwarmers
Armed with a plastic sword and a blinding hatred for the sun, Howie is the embarrassing member of his group of friends, a group that includes Deuce Bigelow, Joe Dirt and Napoleon Dynamite. How does one sink that low? I’d imagine it has something to do with eating sunblock. Can you imagine trying to enjoy stuffing and cornbread with this idiot next to you squeezing lotion into his mouth like a slow, blonde-haired orangutan? You’d have to sit him at the kids’ table, right?
Edie, Pink Flamingos
Let’s for a second forget that the wonderful Edith Massey chooses to costume mentally-challenged Grandma Edie with completely non-appropriate dinner attire, as well as confine her to a messy crib. Let’s ignore those regrettable facts for a second and hone in on Edie’s obsession with the egg man. That alone is enough to ruin the evening. Where’s the eggman? Where’s the eggman? Babs, where’s the eggman? I sure do love that eggman.
I don’t know where the eggman is, but chances are he won’t find you as you’re having dinner at someone else’s house.
J.P. The Robot, Grandma’s Boy
Looking at a lot of potential guests on this list, there’s clearly a few trainwrecks, a handful of douche bags and one uncle that won’t pay for pizza, but when push comes to shove, all of them at least have the decency to think they’re human beings. Even Sloth knows. He’s a man, a scary deformed man, but a man none the less. J.P.’s not so sure. With special robot noises to signal excitement and big dreams of metal legs, this cyborg jackass might end up unplugging the TV mid football game in a misguided attempt to recharge.
It’s hard to hold Borat entirely responsible for his actions – after all, the man was raised in a country with customs very different than our own. That said, you should never invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. It might feel charitable to invite him into your home and try and teach him the American way, but you’ll quickly want to reverse your decision when he brings a plastic bag filled with his own feces back from the bathroom and surprises all of your guests by inviting a hooker over as his plus one. Thanksgiving is a day when you’re meant to give back and give thanks for all you have, but there is a line that can be crossed.