The Last House on the Left (Unrated)

The Last House on the Left never strays from the path set for it in 1972, when this was an original idea. It makes no effort to remodel the original framework; it just adds a new coat of paint and some crappy new shingles.

Fast and Furious (2-Disc Special Edition)

While The Fast and the Furious may have been a Bentley flying out of the dealership, Fast and Furious is more like the rusted piece of crap someone left on the side of the highway after it broke down.

Gran Torino [Blu-Ray]

My first car was a 1996 black Acura Integra. No, it does not have the horsepower, the craftsmanship or even the beauty of a pristine 1972 Gran Torino that has been wiped down with a diaper almost every day since the day of its purchase. But, it was my Gran Torino. It was my first car. It was my first love. And then I crashed it into a tree and flipped over three times in Ohio. Then, my 1999 black Pathfinder became my new 1972 Gran Torino. Ah, the memories.

Hotel for Dogs

Looking at Hotel for Dogs as an adult is impossible. If there is one adult that says, "I want to see Hotel for Dogs because it looks cute," they either want to become, or already are, a veterinarian, have a family, or is in possession of some of the strongest hallucinogenics known to man. Yes, there is a certain sweetness to the story behind the movie and, of course, the obvious "cute" factor the dogs bring to the film, but the true heart of the film gets lost under all the fur, dog crap, and Kibbles and Bits.

Role Models (Unrated)

Role Models, to me, is kind of like the life of Britney Spears in the public eye. It starts off as something very special, filled with high expectations and tons of potential. As time goes on, she explores new opportunities as new doors open up to her, some are more successful than others. Then comes Kevin Federline, and the shit hits the fan.

Disaster Movie: Cataclysmic Edition (Unrated)

The only thing Disaster Movie got right is calling itself a disaster, even though that barely comes close to describing this cheap-looking, 77 minute (the last 10 minutes of the run-time are dedicated to credits and crappy outtakes) trainwreck filled with unfunny jokes and gags, lame pop culture references, awful celebrity look-alikes, terrible acting, and forgettable musical numbers.

Hancock (Single-Disc Unrated Edition)

I will be the first to admit that I am a fan of Will Smith. Whether he's playing a martian-killing agent in a black suit or fighter pilots uniform, kissing men and lying about being the illegitimate child of Sydney Poitier, or playing an iconic athlete, Smith is one of the most talented actors out there. I will also admit that I liked Hancock... for about 25 minutes.

Run, Fat Boy, Run

I also have no real problems with David Schwimmer's direction in his directorial debut. I do, however, have a problem with the title of the movie. Why? Well, Pegg isn't exactly fat. He's barely even overweight. If anything, the Brit has a slight beer belly, most likely due to his various pub visits in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

Rest Stop: Don't Look Back (Uncut)

Horror movies are supposed to cause goose bumps on your skin, make you cringe at the sight of blood, or make you jump and scream when you feel the evil force approaching. Rest Stop: Don't Look Back makes you want to go to the bathroom, fill a paper bag with your own excrement and leave it on the filmmakers' doorstep lit on fire

Prom Night (Unrated Version)

Apparently, Sony Pictures planned on at least one person surviving Prom Night because there are a ton of special features.The last thing the survivor of any bloody attack wants to do is relive the nightmare they were witness to. So why put the survivors of Prom Night through more of the cold-blooded, heartless actions of the director and screenwriters?

Nim's Island

Nim's Island is a well-intentioned, creative, and imaginative, colorful children's adventure filled with exotic animals and locations, sincere and well-developed characters, and a lot of heart. Well, at least the first 45 minutes or so of the film is like that, because the other 45 is unimaginative, mildly depressing, ridiculous, borderline pyshotic, and mind-numbingly dull.

College Road Trip

When it comes to telling the tale of a flying baby elephant with huge ears, a woman living out her lifelong fantasy of living with seven dwarfs, a little boy who gets wood when he tells lies, or a very musical high school, Disney does the job second to none. When it comes to telling the story about a high school senior going on a road trip with her father...

In Bruges

Ray (Farrell) and Ken (Gleeson) are two hitmen who just completed a difficult job where Ray accidentally kills a child. Their boss, Harry (Fiennes), a family man who happens to be in the business of killing people, is not happy with the results of the hit, so he holes them up in Bruges, Belgium - which could be the last destination for one of the men.

The Onion Movie: Raw and Uncut

If you're a fan of The Onion like I am, you will go into this movie expecting 80-to-90 minutes of top notch, zany and edgy humor. The way they're able to construct laugh-out-loud stories in their podcasts and newspaper on a consistent basis you would expect a funny movie to be something they could do with their eyes closed, both hands tied behind their backs, with a pack of wild wolves gnawing at their feet as babies scream for their attention.

Meet the Spartans: Unrated Pit-of-Death Edition

I am a fan of the parody (or spoof) genre of films. When done correctly, you get memorable films such as Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. Unfortunately for lovers of the parody film, there are two morons looking to tear down a film institution.

My Boy Jack

As for Cattrall and Radcliffe, it's one of those cases where it's a bit weird seeing them out of their normal characters. I know this feeling is exactly what both actors are trying to avoid, but in this case, it seems unavoidable. Their performances are not bad as a whole, but they are, at times, very stiff. It’s almost like they were trying so hard not to be Harry and the slut.

Mrs. Doubtfire: Behind-the-Seams Edition

While Williams is obviously the centerpiece of Mrs. Doubtfire, he works with a perfect supporting cast, including Field, Pierce Brosnan, the kids, and Robert Prosky. Field comes off a little too stiff, bitchy and rigid, but that is mostly the character. The script, at times, seems more like an extended version of the corniest episode of Full House, but the movie still plays perfectly

Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation (Unrated)

Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation tries to be funny. It’s not. Bachelor Party 2 tries to be crazier, raunchier, and more sinful than the original. It doesn’t come close. There is only one thing Bachelor Party 2 does more successful than its original: degrade a whole new generation of young, attractive, and mostly large-breasted, women

Lake Placid 2 (Unrated)

None of the original cast are involved in the film. Why aim for continuity? Instead of trying to coerce Oliver Platt, Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, or Mariska Hargitay into joining the fun, let’s cast John Schneider (formerly Bo Duke on the Duke’s of Hazzard) and a series of unknown actors and actresses who wouldn’t know how to act if they were abducted by members of al Qaida and threatened to have their heads removed.


True fans of the Underdog cartoon – meaning people old enough to remember Woodstock (not the bird in the Peanuts cartoons) – will absolutely detest this movie. Why? Pretty much because it’s not the cartoon and won’t speak to adults the same way it will speak to children. This is a children-friendly movie, with a simple story-line that only a complete idiot would fail to understand, and it rings Disney from beginning to end.

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