Watching the Emmys with an indifferent audience when you intend to write about it is not an easy thing. Every time I wanted to catch someone’s silly acceptance speech, my friend wanted to switch to the Patriots game. That said, half the time the Patriots game was the only thing worth watching. Was there anything more awkward than that Tony Bennett-Christian Aguilera duet? And who thought the juxtaposition of “Walk Like a Man” and clips from The Sopranos was a good idea? Like on the Oscars, musical numbers killed whatever momentum the show had built up, and made us all glad we weren’t watching the Tonys.
That said, there were plenty of highlights, most of them thanks to the Stewart-Colbert-Carell trio-- hey, just like regular television! Below is a blow by blow of some of the best and the worst parts, but by far not all the moments that made me shout “Whaaaaat?” Because the Emmys were nothing if not baffling.
The set: Did they borrow the old Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? set and throw giant podium in the middle? Putting all the presenters up on the round podium made it look like they were all supposed to be Emmy statues, though painting them gold would have really completed the look. Also, I felt terrible for the winners who wanted to thank their fellow castmates and had to turn around to face them, since the poor ol’ members of shows like Ugly Betty were seated behind the action. Recycled carpet made from old soda bottles or not, the set was a new idea gone wrong.
Stand-up comedians: Who let Ray Romano take over the stage? And can no one just cut Lewis Black’s mic? Did everyone realize that Ryan Seacrest is too bland to live and replace him from time to time with funnier people? And the biggest question of all: When Ellen DeGeneres was pretending to ask Hugh Laurie a medical question, why did no one let the man speak? That’s one comedian I always have time for.
Jon Stewart: More please.
Stephen Colbert: More please, especially if he brings the leafblower and allows his entire staff to slap him in the face again.
Steve Carell: If I had it my way, I would have let them give you the Emmy anyway, Ricky Gervais be damned. Also, I wish I had TiVo so I could replay the three of them celebrating every day for the rest of my life.
Katherine Heigl: I have to imagine her win had as much to do with her work on Grey’s as her role in Knocked Up; she’ll never win an award for the movie role, but it’s representative of the great work she’s been doing in her career in general. She looked great and gave a great speech, though her sitting next to T.R. Knight all by themselves was a subtle reminder of the whole Isaiah Washington controversy that I was more than ready to forget. Also I love that she said “shit” when her name was announced and the censors had to bleep her out. Stick it to the man, Katherine!
The set, again: That cage thing they put over everyone when they needed to do set changes? All I’m saying is that when they had the original cast of Roots in a big cage, it kind of sent the wrong message.
Mary Louise Parker: I don’t care if you didn’t win in the two categories in which you were nominated-- you looked fantastic. Even onstage with Kyra Sedgwick and Glenn Close, you looked fantastic.
America Ferrera: You beat Mary Louise Parker, and you are totally precious. And when America Ferrerra wins, doesn’t America as a whole win too? Congratulations to us all!
Where was the live performance of ‘Dick in a Box’ Andy Samberg promised us?: Seriously, where? Is Justin Timberlake really that much busier than Kanye West?
Rainn Wilson vs. Kanye West: How amazing. It’s a good thing it worked, too, since that was an insanely long digression to introduce an award. Not that this ceremony wasn’t all about insanely long digressions-- introducing two presenters to introduce two more presenters to present awards?--but this one in particular could have been interminable. Luckily Kanye has a sense of humor and Rainn Wilson is a genius. Also, apparently, a rapper?
Surprising but deserving winners: 30 Rock for best comedy! Terry O’Quinn for best supporting actor in a drama! I can’t speak for James Spader, but what a surprise for him to beat James Gandolfini. In a show where so often the same shows win year after year, it’s nice to get a little jolt of surprise, especially when something as wonderful as 30 Rock gets rewarded.
A weird obsession with technology: Having Masi Oka talk to the founder of MySpace via a laptop? Showing clips from nominated shows via people watching their iPhones, Blackberries, etc.? Isn’t the whole point of television being better than the internet that it’s better picture quality? I know TV feels all this pressure to commit with the web, but this really doesn’t seem the way to do it.
Tony Bennett: I know he’s a legend and all, but will he please get off the stage?
The set, one more time: Everything else be damned, that trapdoor was awesome.
Ryan Seacrest: Meh. The Oscars could probably do themselves a favor and have him host, since he’s bland enough to be inoffensive but entertaining enough to not be worth complaining about. He’s taking over the world anyway, so why don’t we just clear him a path?
The nonstop love for The Sopranos: Kind of nice, actually. Because it didn’t win every single award, and because its finale was one of the few true cultural events we’ve had lately, it was nice to see it get one last hurrah. Seeing them all gathered up onstage was gratifying, even for someone who’s only seen a few episodes of the show.
The fact that the Emmys are over, and that means the actual TV season is beginning: Hooray! Let the prognostication for next year’s awards begin!
