Every TV season ends with a fair share of cliffhangers designed to keep viewers talking and predicting over the summer and, most importantly, coming back to their favorite shows when the new season starts. Ever since audiences pondered “Who Shot J.R.?” the cliffhanger has become a tried and true method of maintaining attention.
Last season was no different. From rocky relationships to plane crashes and explosions, some of our favorite shows ended leaving audiences wanting more. Thanks to the internet communication is at an all time high and spoilers can be found everywhere. We’ve decided to ignore all of that logical stuff, however, and make our predictions for what would happen next on our favorite shows if we were in charge:
Lost
Where we left off: The sky turned weird colors, beloved characters Locke and Eko may be dead, and we finally saw the world beyond the island.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Well, we would show Locke and Eko first thing so fans wouldn’t be suffering as they wondered about the fate of their favorite characters, that’s for damn sure! With the show’s new format of a six episode mini-series, a break, and then the remaining seventeen episode stretch, we can almost guarantee we won’t see enough of all of our favorite characters (who are now in three separate locations) to appease everyone. If it were up to us we’d focus primarily on the Flight 815 survivors’ home camp first who would start mutating due to the weird explosion. Let all the fans of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer suffer until the second half of the schedule. We’d resolve what happened to the characters in the doomed hatch, and continue Charlie down that delicious path to evil, which would be a little easier now that he had the ability to hypnotize people by playing “We Are Everybody.” Forget about the real world for now too. We have to keep the focus on the island as Charlie starts building forces to take over the real world once he discovers Michael and Walt have managed to escape.
Boston Legal
Where we left off: Michael J. Fox returns to sweep Guido (Denise Bauer aka Julie Brown) off her feet with a marriage proposal.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Ah, Julie, Julie, Julie… first you broke Jack’s heart on “Lost” and now you’re sleeping around on Michel J. Fox. I think some heartbreak needs to be coming your way. Instead it’s more likely she’ll get out of the picture quickly, leaving more story time for Spader and Shatner, the real couple of the show. We wouldn’t change a thing on the show’s already hugely successful formula that allows the two stars to have the best non-gay male-male relationship TV can get.
Where we left off: Bree escaped from a mental hospital and gets to know Kyle MacLachlan a little better.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Bree has to go through at least one relationship a season, so don’t expect Kyle MacLachlan to stick around very long, or to go out very well. What’s she up to - two lovers, both dead? Meanwhile, the show got its season-two murder mystery solved in the last hour of the season (unlike first season) which opens the door for a new mystery this season. How about this mystery: how many more times can Entertainment Weekly send me an issue with Eva Longoria looking hot on the cover? I’m willing to watch the show for that mystery!
Scrubs
Where we left off: Everybody’s pregnant!
Where things would go now if we were in charge: We’d like to think the season to come will be filled with wonder and joy as pregnancy takes center stage. Instead we’re afraid at least one of the pregnancies won’t come to term and (considering J.D.’s luck at relationships) Dr. Briggs probably won’t stick around for very long. We’re hoping at least one of the pregnancies ends in happiness. Oh, what would we do? Given the surreal, wacky quality of the show, we’d just sit back and watch as Bill Lawrence and company do their jobs coming up with bizarre yet interesting ways to take the show.
House
Where we left off: The Grumpy Gus gets treatment to try and improve his dour personality (and his leg).
Where things would go now if we were in charge: House would begin the season in a riveting dance number. His sour personality would be a thing of the past as the good doctor smiled with the knowledge that he can really help people and his ego in check having suffered so much. We probably would also replace Hugh Laurie with Tim Matheson or someone whose smile isn’t as scary as Laurie’s. With a new outlook, a new personality, and a new face, House would get involved in a stable relationship and eventually celebrate his new position as Surgeon General.
The Ghost Whisperer
Where we left off: The former host of Talk Soup gets hit by a plane.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Having a main character who can see the dead means that your supporting cast doesn’t have to go away just because their character died. Expect Aisha Tyler to continue popping up in unexpected places, continuing the sidekick role. Her status as a living impaired individual could roll through the season like a roller coaster, at first as a dramatic change, then allowing her to play some comedy, and finally moving into that deep, pivotal link that reveals just what Melinda is up against as the Ghost Whisperer and the Wide Brimmed Hat Man fight over Andrea’s soul. And, if ratings slouch, you could always have Bill Murray or Dan Ackroyd show up and attempt to capture Andrea!
Where we left off: Jim and Pam kissed (and Pam may love him)!
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Before the fated kiss viewers learned Jim had put in a transfer request. If we were really sadistic (and we are) we would have the show return sans Jim, putting Pam in a really tough spot. The man she’s engaged to isn’t the one she loves and the one she loves isn’t around anymore. Enter Dwight, the closest thing to Jim that exists in the workplace. As Pam descends in her shame spiral she ends up spending more time with Dwight, leading to the next generation of Shrute offspring. (Aren’t you glad we don’t write for this show? Seriously, we want to see Jim and Pam get together as much as anybody, but are afraid a “Moonlighting” effect may follow if that happens.)
Where we left off: Lilly and Marshall broke up but Ted and Robin finally got together.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Well, we know none of the female characters are “your mother” since Bob Saget continually refers to them as “Aunt so-and-so” which means things don’t look promising for Ted and Robin in the long run. Still, it’ll be fun to explore all of the characters on the opposite side of where they were last season. Now it’s Ted and Robin in the stable relationship and Marshall and Lilly all over the place. No matter what happens with those four, our money is on Barney to keep things entertaining throughout years to come, until he finally has the sex-change operation and becomes the mother to Ted’s children.
Grey’s Anatomy
Where we left off: Denny died, breaking the hearts of Izzie and female viewers everywhere.
Where things would go now if we were in charge: Izzie would wake up at the beginning of season three to hear the shower running. She’d go to the bathroom and open the door to discover: Denny! The whole second season was a dream, expect for anything that needed to happen to make season three make sense (like Izzie and Denny meeting). Hey – how else is the show going to mend all of those broken hearts out there?
”The Simpsons” (FOX) 8:00 pm
The Mook, the Chef, the Wife, and her Homer - (Season Premiere!) Some say the show stopped being funny years ago, but I never tune and find myself not laughing. It’s been a while since the Simpsons family found their new season starting before their traditional Halloween “Treehouse of Horror” episode, so don’t forget to start watching as “The Simpsons” returns with a Mafia-centric episode featuring Michael Imperioli, Joey Pants, Fat Tony, and Homer as a possible hitman? (I guess he’s gotta do something to make a living – he hasn’t been seen at the power plant for years). Also appearing in this episode: Metallica (as themselves).
”American Dad” (FOX) 8:30 pm
Camp Refoogee- (Season Premiere!) – Yes it’s not as funny as McFarland’s original series “Family Guy,” but it still has that biting wit that’s a lot of fun and, since it leads up to “Family Guy” you can consider it a warm up act for the brilliant humor to come. The season begins with Stan attempting to find an appropriate summer camp for Steve while Francine and Roger pretend (for reasons unknown) to be married.
”Family Guy” (FOX) 9:00 pm
Stewie Loves Lois- (Season Premiere!) – Hard to believe the series that was cancelled for several years is not only back, but back for yet another season. Stewie has a change of heart tonight and decides not only to not try and kill Lois, but to become a mama’s boy instead. Meanwhile, Peter gets a personal exam from his doctor that isn’t quite what he expected it to be.
”The Wire” (HBO) 10:00 pm
Boys of Summer- (Season Premiere!) – I’m not a fan of HBO’s crime drama (to be honest I’ve never given it a shot) but everyone else is recommending it so why shouldn’t we? Besides, your alternative is watching the last half of “The Path to 9/11” over on ABC. At least with “The Wire” you know you’re watching fiction.
”Monday Night Football” (ESPN) 7:00 pm
Minnesota Vikings at Washington Redskins - (Season Opener!) – While there are a lot of 9/11 specials on tonight looking at the tragedy that befell five years ago, somehow nothing seems more American than watching the opener of the new NFL season. ESPN gives Fox’s “Prison Break” and “Vanished” some much needed competition and is one of the few networks that isn’t breaking their show for the 9pm Presidential Address. You know you’re going to get an overload of the 9/11 images the rest of the day. You might as well take the evening off.
”Big Brother 7: All-Stars” (CBS) 8:00 pm
(Season Finale!) –Five hundred thousand dollars goes to the winner of the All-Stars game. Nothing goes to the audience who endured the last ten weeks except the joy that their pick won, or the hardship that their pick didn’t. Cinema Blend TV Editor will be so distraught by the end of “Big Brother” that I’ll be back writing this next week while she drowns her sorrows.
”House” (FOX) 8:00 pm
Cane & Able- (Season Premiere!) – For those not involved in the Big Brother world, House means a curmudgeonly doctor. The typical issue of the week comes up while House starts feeling that old leg pain again and starts popping the Vicodin. Hmm, so much for our prediction for this show.
”Eureka” (Sci-Fi) 9:00 pm
Primal - (New!) I can’t get enough of this show, which means it’ll probably be the next thing Sci-Fi cancels. For now, I’ll keep enjoying it as Fargo and Tagger both make discoveries that bridge human minds with non-human entities. Sounds like another wacky week in Eureka.
”Today” (NBC) 7:00 am
(New!) – The cycle is complete as Meredith Viera finally takes her place on NBC’s morning show and the new studio is finally finished. Is it just me, or has all of these co-host changes made anyone else wish for the good old days of J. Fred Muggs? At least you didn’t have to worry about him jumping ship for another network. Maybe now that all of these cast changes are done the “Today” crew can get back to reporting important things, like whether you really have to wait an hour after eating to go swimming.
”Rock Star: Supernova” (CBS) 8:00 pm
(Season Finale!) – Wednesday night still pretty much sucks as far as television goes, but it starts to get better with the conclusion of “Supernova.” One lucky musician will join up with “Supernova” and go on to lead a life of drugs, alcoholism, and wild sex leading to an STD. Someone else will go home a loser. You decide who!
”Bones” (FOX) 8:00 pm
The Boy in the Shroud- (New!) – According to the title, a boy in a shroud is this week’s mystery. No doubt good old Bones will help figure out what the problem is while looking cuter than 80% of the CSI casts. Meanwhile a new weekly aspect of the show begins: Cam threatening to fire Dr. Brennan. Make no Bones about it, she isn’t going anywhere.
”Jimmy Kimmel Live’s All-Star Salute to Jimmy Kimmel Live!” (ABC) 10:00 pm
(Special!) – I actually probably won’t watch this since I still live in one of those barbarian markets that doesn’t actually air Jimmy Kimmel (at least they didn’t the last time I checked). I just can’t help but mention this due to that title though. Way to go Kimmel! Can you bend your head all the way around to kiss your own ass? Don’t get me wrong – that’s asked out of respect. I’m amazed to see a prime time special of a show ABC still hasn’t given its full support to. Kimmel might as well have some fun while he’s at it.
”Survivor: Cook Island” (CBS) 8:00pm
I Can Forgive Her, but I Don’t Have to Because She Screwed with My Chickens- (Season Premiere!) – The most controversial season of Survivor yet begins this week. This time there are four tribes divided along racial lines. I don’t get why everyone is complaining – nobody spoke out when tribes were divided along age or gender lines. Besides, for all the complaining, this will wind up being the most successful “Survivor” to date. It’s not like anyone complaining is really not going to tune in and watch.
”The Office” (NBC) 9:20 pm
Casino Night (Repeat) – If you had to catch one show from last season that you missed, this is it! Dunder Mifflin has a Casino night celebration that winds up with Michael having two dates. Bah – nobody cares about that. It’s Pam and Jim’s closing moments that became the most talked about event all summer, even beating out real cliffhangers like “Lost.” Relive the moment this week and see what happens next week as “The Office” returns.
”Men in Trees” (ABC) 8:00pm
Pilot Episode / Power Shift - (Season Premiere!) – Bad sign #1 – Anne Heche is doing television dramady. Bad sign #2 – the show is essentially a revamp of the beloved “Northern Exposure.” Bad sign #3 – ABC is airing two episodes in a row on a week that already “previewed” the series earlier on Tuesday. Add up the bad signs and don’t expect “Men in Trees” to stay there very long.
Teen Titans: Trouble In Tokyo (Cartoon Network) 7:30 pm
(New!) - Robin, Cyborg, and the rest of the gang head to Tokyo to take on Brushogun. For fans familiar with the comics that might mean something. For me, it smells like an opportunity to have the Titans meet theme song artists Puffy AmiYumi, thus completing the cartoon’s corruption into a true manga lovefest.
”Bob and Tom Radio: The Comedy Hour” (Comedy Central) 9:00 pm
(Special!) – The humor may be crude at times (okay, most of the time) but Bob and Tom do manage to get some of the best comedians on their show. Now they take a swing at television during this hour-long special that highlights some of the best comedians they’ve had in their studio.
__________________________________________
