Fighting Games Gone Foul!
In the year 2007, first person shooters are the new fighting game. Once a proud staple of the gaming community (Just check out arcades filled with sweaty boys, circa, 1993), fighting games have lost their edge to games that go “boom” rather than “Hodouken!”
But with Street Fighter IV and the next Soul Caliber coming out soon (Though, not soon enough) I thought it might be nice to take a stroll down memory lane with the games that might have been responsible for throwing the fighting genre off its course. Here are just a few that really, really blow a giant tiger uppercut.
Rise of The Robots (1994)
First, let’s set the record straight. Fighting games that only allow you to pick one character in story mode (And they’ll be quite a few on this list) suck. They’re not fun, and nobody wants to play a clunky, robot filled game if they can’t: A. morph into other robots, or B. stomp through entire cities with their mech-capabilities. This game has neither of those features, and is also a total bore to play. To think, this was once suspected to be a revolutionary experience before it came out. The only thing revolutionary about it is how Time Warner Interactive managed to get the former guitarist of Queen to provide the soundtrack. To this day, Freddy Mercury still can’t stop spinning in his grave.
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1994)
I will give the bore-tacular Bruce Lee video game this—fighting the Grim Reaper at the end of the game is kind of cool. Other than that, though, the game consists of Bruce Lee fighting such exciting opponents as: A Sailor, a Chef, and, if you’re lucky to get through without blowing all three (THREE?!) of your continues, a martial arts expert, and, as mentioned before, the Grim Reaper. It was apparently supposed to coincide with the movie at the time. Instead, it coincided with a string of bad fighting games, this one being one of the worst.
Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi (1997)
Luke Skywalker vs. Boba Fett? Seriously, how could this possibly go wrong? Have lower expectations, young Jedi, have lower expectations. Possibly the best example of a good concept gone bad, Masters has a clunky fighting engine, horrendous graphics, and 100% NO Lando Calrissian, making it virtually impossible for Han Solo to bitch slap the crap out of him for freezing him in carbonite. Boo, with a capital URNS!
Shaq Fu (1994)
Um, why? Shaq Fu is the epitome of a WTF concept. Somehow, Shaq Diesel (Also the name of the CD that came with the game), winds up in some mystic world where creatures like the evil mummy, Sett Ra, reign supreme. It’s also a world where you couldn’t hit your opponent if your life depended on it, and the clock would always tick to zero almost every single round due to poor hit detection. Who knew Shaq’s punches were as bad as his free throws?
Fighter’s History (1994)
Few games scream “BLATANT RIP-OFF” louder than Fighter’s History, a Street Fighter II knock-off that can’t match the mimicry. Most of the characters even look like the characters from Street Fighter, even aping the way they would get dizzy if they were pounded on too heavily. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, what’s outright stealing considered then? If there isn’t a word for it already, I nominate to call it Fighter’s History.
Time Killers (1992)
Time Killers actually has a pretty cool concept going for it (Life and Death battle it out through the ages in a fight for “All that is”). But the game just comes out playing awfully. One of the key elements that separates it from the Mortal Kombat pack is the ability to actually dismember your opponents—your weapons can actually sever body parts for the remainder of the round. Who knows, if the fighting engine had been better, perhaps dorks with mullets would now have Time Killer tattoos rather than the Mortal Kombat dragon. Either way, both are incredibly stupid tattoos. And Time Killers is an incredibly crappy game.
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