It’s the middle of the summer, popcorn movies are coming at us with a ferocity one can only handle while absorbed in a massive heat wave (scientifically proven). This week we defend Earth from evil sea monsters and get grown up all over again.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Wait, there are huge, indestructible, evil monsters living under our ocean floor waiting to come out bring upon human extinction? Phew. As a dude who’s consistently looked to the skies for our inevitable demise at the hands of planet-destroying aliens, I’m almost relieved to know it’s coming from the ocean floor. It confirms my worst suspicions about those dark oceans and would explain why I’ve never really enjoyed going to the beach. In the back of mind I knew a gigantic monster would emerge to snatch away my floaty toys and my life.
In the not-so-distant future some super-sized ocean monsters (or Kaiju) emerge from the deep blue depths to lay waste to humans for not snipping our plastic six-pack rings (sea creatures get their necks stuck in those things ya know?) The only thing that can stop them are Jaegers. (Not to be confused with the “bombs” of a similar name, though those could probably f@#$ a Kaiju up pretty bad.) What ensues is an epic battle to save mankind, but is really just an excuse for Guillermo del Toro to employ a little more of his badass-ery all over the movie screen.
del Toro is no stranger to creating worlds in which the fantastic and surreal seem almost at home. Having helmed Hellboy (81%) and Pan’s Labyrinth (96%) to name a couple, del Toro’s latest is much anticipated and looks visually captivating. Uniting a band of FX’ers (Charlie Hunman, Ron Pearlman and Charlie Day), del Toro will add another critically acclaimed movie to his already flush resume. Dude just gets the job done. Get to the theaters before those Kaiju stalk out of the water and bust up that sand castle you’ve been working on all day. The Rotten Watch for Pacific Rim is