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The summer is picking up steam. And by steam, I mean it’s starting to get unbearably hot and sticky. But we’ve also got more big budget, highly anticipated movies hitting the big screen so it’s all good. This week we’ve got Ridley Scott back deal with aliens and animals trying to get home.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
I love how this movie posits humans might have come from some alien culture who came to Earth and artificially inseminated the planet with their ET sperm or something. Ridiculous. Everyone knows humans came directly from God’s sperm when he pumped out Adam and Eve on us. Aliens? Give me a break. Read a book, just the one book, for once Ridley Scott.
I struggled for quite some time with how to best describe what’s going on in the trailers for this flick. Because I’m gifted with the English language and can lay out deft prose at a moment’s notice I think this sums it up best: Talk, talk, look scared, spaceships, haunting music, darkness, flash, bang, spaceship, scream, run, aliens, aliens, uh-oh, fire, fire, spaceship, uh-oh, earthquake, seizure, blackness. Think that does a pretty good job of it and feel free to submit this paragraph here. It’s an award winner.
Ridley Scott made his bones early on with ambitious, futuristic and sweeping science fiction movies Alien and Blade Runner. And while his career hasn’t been a perfect run (he’s had his share of Kingdom of Heaven (39%) and Robin Hood (43%) meh-like movies) one thing is for certain: when Ridley Scott gets it right, it’s really freaking good. In addition to his early work we’re talking flicks like American Gangster (79%), Black Hawk Down (76%), and Gladiator (78%). He’s often taken a “go big, or go home” approach which can pay off mightily or kind of fall flat. Prometheus is right in line with what worked so well for him early on.
A bunch of early reviews are in and Prometheus is killing it. Through forty plus reviews the Tomatometer sits at 80%. That’s a great number for a science fiction movie, well really for any movie, but especially sci-fi. I won’t count this one on the resume because of the head start, but I don’t see it moving too much more as the next hundred or so reviews come in. I expect about four out of five critics to like what they see. The Rotten Watch for Prometheus is
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
Look I have an IQ somewhere in the 140s, an advanced degree and can hold down a conversation with just about anyone on any topic for an extended period of time. All that bragging aside, I had to real fast look up where the hell Madagascar was located. Had no idea. Turns out its an island off Africa. I don’t think anyone ever knew that before. I sure didn’t You are welcome America. **
**Quick sidenote: when I told my wife I was looking this up she glanced at me with a s@#$-eating grin on her face and proclaimed Madagascar to be the “largest island that’s not a continent.” I’m sure she’s now filed this exchange down in the “Things I Knew that your Conceited Ass Didn’t Know” Category and I’ll hear about it forever.
The first two installments of this franchise, Madagascar (55%) and Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (64%) represent a couple of flicks getting stronger as they go. The third appears to continue this trend. Eric Darnell, who wrote and directed the first two movies, helms the story of everyone’s favorite African animals still trying desperately to get back to the Big Apple. This time they’re in Europe and on the run from the fuzz.
A couple of early reviews are in and the trend is positive. Darnell seems to be settling in and putting out a better and better product. Heck, the trailer had me giggling here and there, a rare feat for an animated movie. I think the reviews continue coming in overwhelmingly high. The Rotten Watch for Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted is
Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?
Recapping last week:
First of all, I probably shouldn’t be surprised about Snow White and the Huntsman (Predicted: 72% Actual: 46%) performed critically. I mean Kristen Stewart was involved and that has to be a major tip-off. (Granted I kind of like her, but critics tend to not love her movies. Let it also be known in this long parenthetical that I’ve never seen any of the Twilight movies, and I never will. I kind of just like her from Adventureland.) Anyway, I whiffed here big time. Thought it would be solid. It wasn’t. Moving on.
But then I had a perfect strike with Piranha 3DD (Predicted: 12% Actual: 12%). Boom! Knew this thing would suck and I get a little redemption from my errant guess with its predecessor. Take that ya dumb fish.
Next time around we’ve got some big time rock and a little more Sandler. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
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