Jurassic World: Rebirth Review: I Was Really Hoping They’d Have Thrills On This Dinosaur Tour

I don’t think I’d be surprising anyone who knows me by saying that I’m a Jurassic franchise superfan. I’m even someone who enthusiastically enjoyed both of the previous sequels to Jurassic World. But I can agree with everyone that 1993’s Jurassic Park is the high bar of the series, and even when hearing various claims that Jurassic World: Rebirth was a love letter to that very modern classic, I put aside my usual trepidations.

I was wrong to do that, because if this is supposed to be a declaration of love for that original movie, it veers far from the mark. Stop me if you’ve heard this one: the hubris of humanity led to the recreation of dinosaurs, which our species now wants to exploit in the name of profit.

What passes for novelty this time around is Rebirth’s new island location, a remote facility where mutated attractions were being created for the main park. This lost world is now hosting a mercenary team led by Scarlett Johansson’s Zora Bennett, with the goal being to recover genetic samples of the largest dinosaurs. The aim is to create a super drug that benefits cardiac health, and if that was the sole focus of this story, I might have been able to get on board.

That's not what happens, however, as a family unit (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono and Audrina Miranda) randomly shipwrecked by some dinosaurs is rescued by the aforementioned mercenary team – an effort to make the tale into something more "blockbuster" worthy. And that is where the greatest irony presented in Jurassic World Rebirth lies, as watching this movie didn't invigorate my dino loving heart; rather, it broke it into 65 million pieces.

Jurassic World Rebirth starts with intriguing ideas, but it never recovers from a baffling turn.

As well-cast as Jurassic World Rebirth’s mercenary mission plotline is, it should be the one and only plot this picture follows. Along with Johansson (a Jurassic superfan herself) are Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, and Mahershala Ali. That sort of roster almost makes you think you’re in for a Wes Anderson adventure, especially with Johansson and Friend being Asteroid City veterans.

I think I honestly would take a modest stop-motion Anderson film over what we have here, with all of the money and effects a mega franchise can buy. And that is what brings me to the heart of my disappointment: writer David Koepp’s script. Returning to the franchise for the first time since 1997’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park, the scribe has given us a story that induces head-scratching.

There is literally a moment where this film finds its characters minutes away from Ile Saint-Hubert, the island at the heart of Rebirth, only to turn around and save the family that’ll give us our merchandising-friendly subplot. It’s a move that’s questioned by all but Zora and Duncan Kincaid (Mahershala Ali) – her traumatized friend who offers her conscience a window to sneak in Jurassic World Rebirth’s unsubtle social messaging.

With past films offering spins on Michael Crichton’s thesis of scientific power being mishandled by humanity's hubris, director Gareth Edwards’ entry focuses on the class inequality inherent with such big pharma fortune seeking. But it never lands its ideas as well as the previous films, which leads to a promising story beat turning into a blunt instrument that beats us over the head.

As for the Jurassic part of this equation, Koepp’s pre-release promise to not change the series canon holds up. However, Rebirth doesn’t feel like a movie that’s interested in even touching the more recent stories at hand, as seen in the decision to wipe out most of the world’s dinosaurs at the start of the film.

If anything, this feels like a partial attempt to execute a Halloween 2018 style sequel in Jurassic World’s universe – selectively side stepping previous developments while eager to include legacy character name drops and callbacks. So I'd check those dino droppings for member berries, as I have a feeling they've poisoned what could have been a fun romp.

When your movie about prehistoric creatures makes it hard to root for the dinosaurs, you’ve got a problem.

For as much complaining as I’ve done about Jurassic World Rebirth’s human characters, I can see the promise that they represent. Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Bailey in particular have fantastic chemistry as the characters that puzzle out the moral dilemma we’re supposed to be invested in. Mahershala Ali is left on the outside looking in, infusing as much personality as he can as an undeveloped figure of conscience. So with lackluster humans, you’d think the dinosaurs would pick the slack, right?

Instead, I am shocked at how dino-avoidant Rebirth actually is, especially with mutant creatures on the table. So much of the hype surrounding the fifth Jurassic sequel has been teasing the Distortus Rex, a dinosaur that’s literally designed with Alien’s Xenomorph and Return of the Jedi’s Rancor in mind. But we barely get to see the beast clearly, despite recent marketing not being very shy with the beast’s face.

As for the rest of our dinosaurs, we get what amounts to a legacy cameo from a T-Rex, bringing to life a long deleted scene from Jurassic Park’s original script. It’s not very long or terribly exciting, and the only benefit I can honestly claim is that we get to see a sleepy Rex roll over like an adorable house cat. That’s not exactly an adventure 32 years in the making.

Yet somehow, with Jurassic World Rebirth’s beasts mostly hiding in the background – save for Dolores, an adorable Aquilops – I still found myself once again rooting for the dinosaurs. The big difference this time out is instead of wanting inGen’s unwanted menagerie to teach us a lesson in why we shouldn’t play God, I wanted them to take me away from the uninteresting human characters.

This is where the Delgado family comes in, as their presence robs Zora Bennett and her team of any substantial development while also giving us an underbaked family unit meant to recall the emotional ride of Lex and Tim in Jurassic Park. It bothers me that the segment of Rebirth’s narrative giving people of color its focus feels like a last minute addition. I do not fault stars Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, Audrina Miranda or David Iacono for their portion of the movie being annoying, especially because I wanted them to work better in the overall structure of the story. Diversity in representation doesn’t only belong to the dinosaurs.

Audrina Miranda notably also has the skills to sell the CGI/puppetry mashup of Dolores as a mini-dino companion worthy of an actual plotline... but alas, Jurassic World Rebirth doesn’t even recognize what it has going for it long enough to really double down, as it flies towards an ending that can’t even decide what it wants to be.

The latest Jurassic World movie is so obsessed with Jurassic Park that it forgets why that first movie worked.

Some of the worst criticisms of nostalgic legacyquels apply to Jurassic World: Rebirth . Acting as a greatest hits compilation of locations, iconography, and visual beats that made for the most memorable Jurassic moments, there’s no heart behind the choices. It’s a movie that asks for “oohs” and “ahhs” without inspiring them to come from an organic or meaningful place.

If you’d asked me before seeing Rebirth if there’s such a thing as too many references to John Williams’ Jurassic Park theme, I may have said “No.” But the underwhelming score from composer Alexandre Desplat has proven me wrong, as the numerous deployments of the iconic tune are all I really remember from this would-be adventure picture’s score.

The greatest failing I think Jurassic World: Rebirth suffers from is an obviously rushed production schedule. I still remember the project being announced out of nowhere last year, barreling down with what seemed like a freight train’s worth of momentum to the finish line this summer. It’s a lesson we should have learned in the past, as 2001’s Jurassic Park III suffered a rushed production that yielded similarly disastrous results. I now feel I need to return to the only other entry I dislike in this canon, if only so I can decide whether I need to apologize for treating it so roughly.

Despite my criticisms, I still believe in the promise of the Jurassic franchise at large. For my own personal scorecard to only have two misfires in a canon of seven films (and two wildly entertaining animated series), that’s not a bad average to have. If there was a little more time and care given to Rebirth, I could see it being the lean and mean jungle adventure it's attempting to resemble.

If there’s a new entry announced tomorrow, I’ll be there without question. I just hope that if the Jurassic universe continues, it takes its time to let an idea worthy of trotting out these massive marvels dawn on its consciousness. But unfortunately for now, I cannot endorse this walk in the park.