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earth It takes three things to make a decent nature documentary and here they are: fresh eye-popping nature footage, great narration, and a compelling musical score. Of those three things, earth has exactly none of them. Instead Disney has recycled footage youíve already seen in the acclaimed (and fairly wonderful) television miniseries Planet Earth, spliced it together in the most haphazard fashion imaginable, and then attempted to make it all stick by hiring a much past his prime James Earl Jones to read half-thought out narration which seems as if it was originally intended for Ryan Seacrest. Have it all scored by the worldís most apathetic orchestra and then settle in for a nap, because youíve just been unlucky enough to buy a ticket for earth, a big screen nature documentary so lazy it couldnít even manage a capital letter.

Were it merely that earth recycles old footage from Planet Earth that might be forgivable. At least then I could recommend it for people who havenít seen Planet Earth and want to get a feature length, condensed version to see what all the fuss is about. But itís the way in which earth presents that recycled data that makes it so unforgivable. Thereís no real thought put into it, no coherent plan for how to present it. One minute theyíre wrapping it in the mantle of animals and their families and how they fit into the environment, the next weíre sitting through a fifteen minute sequence on waterfalls.

The film starts with polar bears and seems as if itís attempting to organize our cinematic globe hopping by hemisphere, as the narration takes us south. That doesnít last and soon the movieís jumped somewhere else entirely, and starts making a case that no, itís all about the seasons. Wait no, itís not about the seasons instead weíre going to see the planet through the lens of the migration of a humpback whaleÖ oh wait back to those polar bears that one looks like heís dyingÖ but the whales which are on the other side of the planet and are in no way connected to the polar bear are just fine except for their proximity to sharks. Oh look, a shark who has nothing to do with the whales! Hey itís December letís watch the leaves change.

earth is a disaster, a real killer for Disneyís fledging DisneyNature division. I canít imagine what they were thinking by releasing this shit. Thereís nothing here for anyone. Even the Planet Earth footage, which seemed pretty spectacular on television in HD, is rendered mostly inert here by lackluster presentation and James Earl Jonesí persistent, poorly written narration. The film isnít even educational; itís far too disjointed to convey any meaning. If they were going to repurpose a bunch of old nature footage weíve already seen, then they should have jazzed it up with a gimmick. Toss in some 3D or at least write a decent script for it. As it is earth is the most boring, unbearable 90 minutes Iíve spent in a theater this year, and I sat through Street Fighter. If natureís what you crave, youíll have more fun sitting on your porch and watching mosquitoes impact with a bug zapper.

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