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Before we pass along this story, we admit it's a total hearsay scenario. That said, it's hearsay that's so delicious-- and truly, so completely believable-- that it demands to be shared. And in this era of heated battles over texting in theaters, it's high time we got a perfect scapegoat. That scapegoat, apparently, is Madonna.
Not only did Madonna allegedly-- allegedly!-- text her way through the New York Film Festival premiere of 12 Years A Slave, but when told to be quiet, she allegedly-- allegedly!-- called that person an enslaver. During a movie about actual slavery! Here's the anecdote that's been making the rounds, via Indiewire:
Tonight at the New York Film Festival premiere of '12 Years A Slave' (a masterpiece, by the way), [NAME REMOVED] and I sat behind the unholy trifecta of Jason Ritter, J. Alexander from 'America's Next Top Model,' and Michael K. Williams from 'The Wire.' Plus, a mysterious blonde in black lace gloves who wouldn't stop texting on her Blackberry throughout the first half of the movie. Eventually, a woman next to me tapped her on the shoulder and told her to put her phone away, and the blonde hissed back, 'It's for business... ENSLAVER!' I turned to the shoulder tapper and loudly said, 'THANKS!' and gave her a thumbs up. The rest of the movie, I kept thinking about how I wanted to tell the blonde what a disgrace she was. During the standing ovation, the blonde ducked out and Jason Ritter turned around to make commiserating eye contact, as J. Alexander asked, 'Who WAS that?!' Jason then looked down at the floor. His eyes got wide, and he picked up an envelope and showed it to us and J. And it said: '2 screening tix MADONNA.' And sure enough, we looked to the side of the theater and standing against the wall in black lace gloves was Madonna. The worst person in America.
Having been to a film festival screening and watched a famous person text through the entire movie (not nearly as famous as Madonna, though, obviously), I completely buy this story. After all, how many entitled people who are far less important than Madonna have you watched self-righteously whipping out their phone during a movie, convinced that their "business, ENSLAVER" is more important than your right not to be blinded by their dumb phone? If that random dude in front of you at last Friday's Gravity screening will do it, surely Madonna would too.
Unafraid to jump on a moment when he sees the opportunity, Tim League-- the founder of the famously anti-texting movie theater chain Alamo Drafthouse-- has tweeted that Madonna has been banned from the Drafthouse until she apologizes. Hopefully they'll now find a way to put the Material Girl at the center of a fantastic anti-texting PSA like this one. She may have that fake British accent, but she's still a citizen of the Magnited States of America.