I’m still working off this chill from sub freezing temperatures over this last week but its time to warm up these magic fingertips and get to the movies of the week. This time around its warm bodies and bullets to the head.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Bullet to the Head
In the sports world there's quite a dialogue about performance enhancing drugs and how they destroy the integrity of competition. (I’m looking at you Lance) Oh the outcry, the humanity, the pundits preaching down from on high condemning anyone who tries to gain a competitive edge. But not in the movie world. Who cares what actors and actresses do to “enhance performance”. (Boob jobs, Botox, and maybe the occasional muscle builder) Granted I have no proof of anything, but this is all to say Sylvester Stallone is juicing right? This guy is sixty-six years old, born a year after World War II ended, and in this flick he’s ripped to the bejeezus, tattooed for youthful effect, and really looking no worse for wear. It’s a marvel of our times and I’m convinced he’s getting a little “help”. There’s no other explanation right? And it’s fine with me. Everyone needs a little edge in today’s game.
In Bullet to the Head (based on the French graphic novel Du Plomb Dans La Tet), Sly plays Jimmy Bobo (not to be confused with Rocky Balboa) teamed with Sung Kang on a mission to kill pretty much anyone who shares screen time with the two. It looks like a bloodbath, all with Stallone icing guys half his age. Between him and Arnie (speaking of steroids) in The Last Stand, old men are taking back Hollywood.
Walter Hill directs. Back in the day this guy had a sick run with flicks like 48 Hrs., The Warriors, and Rotten guilty pleasure Brewster’s Millions. But unlike acting, maybe directing is a young man’s game. His last two big screen directing gigs were uninspiring and more than a decade ago with Undisputed (48%) and Supernova (37%). The early reviews of his latest are mixed, with some almost apologetically enjoying it and others contending its a step above caveman level. I think as more reviews roll in the score will drop below the fifty percent mark but it won’t be from lack of effort on Sly’s part. That guy looks like he’s doing everything he can. The Rotten Watch for Bullet to the Head is