A bunch of flicks on the slate this week. Coming off a couple of strong predictions we’re looking to keep up the momentum with beanstalks, birthday shots, exorcisms, and submarines.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

Jack the Giant Slayer
And we’re back with another fairy tale. Yup. After covering the Grimm-led resurgence of tired stories only a few weeks ago I don’t have the energy to wax disappointed all over again in the recent rise in fairy tale adaptations. And admittedly, this film doesn’t appear the scourge of the screen like a Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (an aggressively bad-15%), but it’s still a movie about magic beans, stalks growing to a sky filled with giants, fe-fi-fo-fums, one-off English one-liners and a dude named Jack who’s got more than few tales to tell. (I’m sure we’ll get to see them all in CGI at some point).

Bbefore anyone jumps ugly at my “lack of imagination” or cynicism related to these films, it’s important to note I’m not necessarily disappointed in this movie in particular. It’s just that adapting kid’s stories into more “adult” versions with violence, sex, and “big effects” just comes off so lazy. Because disassociating the original kiddie fairy tale with the big screen adult adaptation is almost impossible. It’s like some movie exec at some point said, in the most cliche and douchey way possible, “You know what we need? Fairy tales, on steroids! Boom!” And that’s what we’re getting, more often than not, to diminishing returns.

Maybe this flick’ll be the exception, with Bryan Singer (Valkyrie-62%, Superman Returns-76%) in charge it at least stands a fighting chance. But the track record on these movies hasn’t been great. (See my last article on fairy tales.) Look past the big effects, the bells and whistles, the cheesy looking giants, the snarky one-liners and you’ve got a film about people climbing a beanstalk. I think this disappoints. The Rotten Watch for Jack the Giant Slayer is 47%

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