Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
I was out of town for three weeks and unable to do news:blended. So, I checked to see who did it in my absence and the answer is no one. So that either means I’m irreplaceable or do something so irrelevant that nobody bothered to pick up my tremendous slack. I’m going to go with irreplaceable and will make that designation my Christmas gift to myself. My Christmas gift to you is doing news:blended this week. Better than Clark Griswold’s jelly of the month club.
SATURDAY
Forbidden love on a forbidden planet.
We have more news from Bulgaria outside of any non-Bulgarian website.
James Cameron, like George Lucas, made a very good and very popular movie a long time ago. No one really knows if he is still a good director or that whole thing was a one time fluke, like with George Lucas. Maybe he’ll direct Forbidden Planet, a remake, and show us that he’s still got what it takes…unlike George Lucas. Colin Farrell is closer to doing something good that we like, but he’s not letting that slow him down. He’ll star in a movie about a guy who escapes from Siberia. We got that story off a Bulgarian website. I think that would be a first for us, and probably you.
SUNDAY
The first time, ever, The Apartment and Christmas show up in the same story.
Brian Helgeland helps with a sex change operation.
We did our usual 12 Days of Christmas series this year. I didn’t get to write any of them but I did read at least three of the stories and one was about Christmas movies that grown-ups will like more than the kids. It’s generally all the good ones. Not sure if Evelyn Salt will be a good movie, but it has the writer of L.A. Confidential on-board, which can’t hurt.
MONDAY
This is kinda funny in a way.
I saw Valkyrie yesterday and it was pretty good. If you’re letting the whole “Tom Cruise is a big doo-doo head” keep you out of the theater, it’s your loss. It’s not awesomely awesome but it’s not overlong and boring like that Brad Pitt movie must surely be. Some guy wrote the script and we interviewed him, by the way. Some guy is also writing a musical based on Star Wars. It will culminate with George Lucas urinating on his last fan.
TUESDAY
I’m putting $50 on the Monsters to win this cage match.
I’m surprised they are still working on it.
There is a new trailer for next year’s big 3-D animated movie. I guess there are a couple of 3-D animated movies next year, but this is the one with Dr. House playing a doctor (who is also a cockroach) and Dwight Schrute as an alien dictator. I smell Oscar. I don’t smell an Oscar for the upcoming Star Trek, but at least they are done shooting it….almost.
The next movie might only make $200 million.
I’m going to see the horribly sad foreign documentary!
Disney is going back to it’s pre-Eisner levels of stupidity. You know, when the studio almost closed because it made things like Black Cauldron, which sucked. It’s dumping the Narnia franchise because the last movie only made $420 million in theaters. Smart businessmen all, I’m sure. You’d be smart to read our guide to the movies being released on Christmas Day before you see something this weekend. If you already saw all 10 movies over the last two days, then nevermind.
THURSDAY
We worry about something that won’t happen.
We spent Christmas worrying that Watchmen won’t get released because Fox was given distribution control. I’m sure Fox will give up millions of dollars of profit for the principle of the thing. Oh wait, I’m thinking of something else. This movie will come out and the pigs will feed at the trough of greenbacks forever.
FRIDAY
We’re still pushing Valkyrie.
We spent the day after Christmas interviewing famous actors in Valkyrie and writing down what they said. Then we put it up on the Internet and now you can read it, too. So Happy Boxing Day.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
