“Oh God, please no!” These are some of the words that Michael screamed after realizing that Toby is back. Tonight’s episode felt a lot more like the previous seasons of The Office than some of the other episodes that have aired so far this season. Maybe it was the random microwave drama or the Michael/Toby bickering. Or maybe it’s having Pam back. I’m not going to question it though. It was a good episode and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters, right?

“What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say ‘no’. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. – This is where the story gets interesting. – I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadéro. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stash the chandelier.”

You can tell Dwight’s given this perfect crime fantasy quite a bit of thought. If he actually attempted this and it played out that way Dwight would have succeeded much more admirably than he and Michael did in their attempts to frame Toby. Last I checked, possession of a Ziploc containing a caprese salad wasn’t a crime. The only crime was paying $500 for the a half-eaten lunch.

Upon learning of Toby’s return, approximately one week afterwards, Michael attempts to be friends with Toby but as he puts it, that’s like trying to be friends with an evil snail. So he devises a way to get Toby and his “stupid face” fired. He and Dwight are going to frame him for drug possession. Michael approaches two Vance Refrigeration guys who apparently have a reputation for selling weed. When asking to buy the drugs, one of the guys tells him its $500. Michael, clearly not realizing the street value of weed in today’s economy, pays up and plants the bag of salad in Toby’s desk drawer. The cops show up after receiving a tip-off from Dwight, posing as Andy and search Toby’s desk where they find the salad. Realizing that there’s nothing there, they leave and Creed, who is hiding out in the conference room with the talking-head camera guy surely breaths a sigh of relief now that the fuzz is gone.

So Michael’s attempts to get Toby fired are a bust. No surprise there. Michael’s life can only be compared to Scream 2. He learned a lot of things from that movie.

You bought me a house?

Pam spends a good part of the episode griping about the filthy microwave. She leaves an anonymous note in the break room, which comes off as holier-than-thou and leaves some of the staff feeling irritated. Angela approves of the note, naturally. When Ryan tries to sweet-talk Pam into cleaning the microwave, Pam in a glorious Pam-moment reminds Ryan that he’s the temp.

This microwave issue is just another random side-plot. One that Jim has no interest in because he’s got his mind on other things; like the house he bought from his parents. The one he hasn’t told Pam about because he wants to surprise her. After chatting with some of the staff, who found out about it due to Andy nosing through Jim’s emails, Jim starts to wonder if maybe it was a bad idea not to talk to Pam about this major purchase beforehand.

What if she hates it? There’s hideous shag carpeting on the floor, equally dated wood paneling and a nightmarish clown painting nailed to the wall. She might hate it. Jim takes her to the house and obviously she recognizes it as her almost in-laws home. He tells her that he bought it and as he shows her around, prattles on about saving on closing costs by not going through a realtor. Then he takes her to the garage where he set up a make-shift art studio. At this point I start to realize that I’ve been holding my breath. Pam’s face has been unreadable since Jim broke the news to her and it’s only after he asks her if she hates it that she tells him… she loves it. “You bought me a house!” Jim realizes that yeah, he did kind of buy her a house, didn’t he? The new Halpert home is as adorable as the couple who will be residing in it. Even if it is down by the quarry in close proximity to whatever hovel Creed calls home.

Sex and cash

Ryan’s leaving – again. Maybe it was the temp remark that Pam made or the fact that he realizes that the bloom is off the Kelly rose once again, despite all the making out they’ve been doing in the annex but Ryan’s departing for Thailand with a bunch of high schoolers. I guess this confirms that Novak is taking some time off from The Office. After dumping Kelly, he asks her if she’ll have sex with him one more time and maybe give him any extra cash that she might have around. What a class act this guy is. Kelly says ok. Wow.

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