Man, what a rough week for movies. Thankfully the weather is great, the sun is out, the air is warm, and we can find a million excuses to stay away from the theaters. That’s what happens when we get Hercules, Lucy and tired old stories posing as comedies hitting the big screen.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

Hercules
Rotten Watch Prediction
I’ve often thought to myself, "Doug, would you describe yourself more as a man-like God, or a God-like man?" It’s not an easy answer. In some ways I feel like I’m not meant for the world, having been sent here to accomplish the extraordinary (this column being a good example). Then again, I know I was born into the mortal world but am continually ascending to higher planes, striving for greatness and outpacing my common man (my looks would be an example of this). So which am I? Let’s so both and call it a day. Hercules and I would have been fast friends.

See what another man born from the Gods looks like in this trailer for Hercules,



Ooh, it seems like Brett Ratner, The Rock and some other folks tried so very hard to make a cool flick here. Unfortunately this thing looks like when you see that guy hitting on a girl and he’s putting in maximum effort only it comes off as desperate, sad and a little unintentionally funny. That’s how Hercules strikes me. It isn’t for lack of effort for sure. Some of the stunts and effects most likely weren’t easy to pull off. But if the trailer is a movie’s chance to put its best foot forward, well, there are significant issues going.

For starters, this might be Dwayne Johnson’s "death by exposure" moment. Too much screen time can hurt underwhelming actors. Johnson is solid in bit parts or full-on action sequences, but if forced to carry a heavy dialogue load it might get uncomfortable. I felt that way just from the two and a half minute snippet. It’s awkward.

Director Brett Ratner’s merely *meh track record doesn’t exactly help matters with movies like Tower Heist (68%), X-Men: The Last Stand (58%) at the very top of his resume. The rest of the director's filmmography is underwhelming at best. Again, I don’t think Hercules underperforming will be for any lack of effort. I just suspect its a hodge-podge of mediocre acting, convoluted storyline and just-not-good enough special effects. Maybe they should just do my story instead. A mortal who’s just so much more.

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