There are a lot of great movies finding their way to audiences later this year, and I’m not embarrassed to say that one of my most anticipated flicks is Lifetime’s The Unauthorized Full House Story. Yes, seriously. And the first clip from the TV movie, which can be seen/relished below, is ridiculous enough to warrant my jubilation. Cut Check it out!


Are you kidding me with this? Somebody should get their Emmy shelf ready for a new addition, assuming someone else had added the category Outstanding Bizarro TV Movie Based On A TGIF Sitcom And Its Behind The Scenes Foibles. Let’s break down what makes this clip, from TVLine, so glorious.

The Set. What the shit is this? I’m sure that there are certain rights issues involved with replicating a TV show’s set, so it’s obvious that there would be liberties taken with how the Tanner household looked, but this is nothing like the Full House home we’re all used to. The front door and staircase are on the opposite side, and there’s now a door on the far wall going into some other mystery zone. Don’t tell me Jesse and Becky will be moving into the basement or outdoor kitchen or something.

The Canned Laughter. Just as I was starting to think that this cast could pass for the real thing when viewed from far away and through an empty water bottle, one of Danny’s lines is met with a lot of laughter, and then the shot cuts to four people watching the taping. With nothing but empty chairs behind them. WHO IS DOING THE LAUGHING?

John Stamos Hates Babies Who Shit. Stamos, played by Justin Gaston, has apparently had it with all this pooping from infants who don’t know how to act when they’re on stage, so he complains about the faux Olsen twins. (The Faux-lson twins?) I have to wonder if he thinks “toddler veterans” are a real thing. This is a man who ain’t got time for no baby-ass nonsense.

The Stripper Joke. Though he became known as one of television’s most schmaltzy and kind-hearted dads, actor Bob Saget has built a comedy career on telling vile and sexually-tinged jokes and stories. (Remember his Half Baked cameo?) It looks like The Unauthorized Full House Story won’t be shying away from that, as this clip doesn’t get through 50 seconds before Garrett Brawith’s Saget is suggesting strippers get hired to dance in the living room set. But hey, at least he hopes that Jodie Sweetin’s life choices don’t lead her to that profession. I’m kind of surprised that wasn’t a meth joke, but I guess there’s always time for those elsewhere in the movie.

Seeing as how the Saved by the Bell movie from Lifetime was such a ludicrous hoot, you bet your hair spray I’ll be watching this one when it debuts on Saturday, August 22.

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