Tonight’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was a little weird for me. There wasn’t a whole lot going on patient-wise, it took place over three days as opposed to the typical one or two and really focused on relationships—specifically George and Izzie’s. Because of this, the entire episode can be summed up in five words:

OH MY GOD. MY EYES.

We open with sweaty Izzie in bed next to sweaty George and ew. Ew. Ew. They’ve just gotten done having their “hot, perfect sex” that was put off last week; and while I’m sure Izzie managed to shave both legs this time, it doesn’t seem to have helped. The sex was neither hot, nor perfect. Well, judging by the pools forming in Izzie’s clavicle, it was probably hot, but not in the way she intended. Just in more of an itchy, smelly way.

Back in the land of other relationships I want no part of, Meredith and Derek are in bed together. He wants her to stay, but she of course wants to leave. Haven’t we been here about twenty times before? These two either need to get married and have a million babies or they need to just break up for good, because I do not care about this relationship in any way. Now, the budding relationship between Derek and The Chief? That’s another story—one that I would be far more interested in. Apparently in addition to dining on trout for breakfast (which totally sounds like it should be a euphemism for something but isn’t), Derek and the Chief also have dinner and watch movies every night. But what about Sloan? Won’t he be jealous? Apparently not, because he’s gone all googly-eyed over Hahn. It’s kind of cute really. Although, I do suspect that all of the jokes he cracks throughout the episode about Derek being the Chief’s girlfriend probably hides a secret pain.

Meanwhile, Cristina has a not-so-secret pain. Hahn keeps on rearranging the rotation so Cristina never gets cardio. That’s pretty harsh. Although, it’s not nearly as harsh as Hahn saying Cristina needs to find another specialty. I know she’s an attending and all, but can she do that? Probably not, but since she’s so scary she’ll probably get away with it anyway. Sloan thinks she’s sassy and continues to follow her around like a puppy dog. They later play darts at the bar, where Sloan is all dressed up in his sexin’ leather. Hahn is having none of it though. She tells him that he’s not attracted to her, just her skill. Plus, she’s not attracted to him. This of course is only going to make him want her more.

Patient Roundup: Alex has a patient who can’t crap. That’s about it. The guy can’t crap and it’s making him cranky. Izzie is on plastics and has a patient who is getting a face-lift and she keeps on yelling at Izzie for frowning and ruining her looks. There’s no real point to either of these patients, except that they’re annoying and Bailey eventually puts them in the same room together and they have sex, which makes Izzie feel bad about her and George not having good sex (she tries to act like a porn star and he pecks at her like a chicken). There’s also a kid who keeps on swallowing marbles to scare is annoying parents into getting a divorce. It doesn’t work until the kid accidentally swallows a bunch of magnets and almost kills himself. That at least makes the mom stop and think, “hey, my kid is making himself sick so he doesn’t have to hear his dad and me fight anymore. Maybe it’s time for a break.”

The main patient story follows parents who have just adopted a baby. The mom falls down the stairs with the baby in her arms. The baby has a slight head injury, but nothing serious. The mom, however, sustains damage to her heart and loses a lung. It’s touch-and-go, and the dad says he can’t handle raising the baby alone. Unfortunately for him, he says this around Lexie, co-owner of the Grey Family Daddy-Issue Surplus Store. She, of course, takes this personally and enlists Meredith to help her convince the dad not to chuck the baby out with the dead mom water. Unfortunately, Hahn is unable to save the mom, and the dad just leaves. He comes back later though and restores Lexie’s faith in humanity by claiming his daughter.

Callie has been busy growing her bangs out so she doesn’t have time to be Chief Resident. She also has a bunch of surgeries, so she asks Bailey to cover for her. Bailey of course does, and fixes everything in her special Bailey way. The Chief, when not distracted by Derek’s inability to pick up his dry-cleaning, takes notice and does what he should have done at the end of season three: he makes Bailey Chief Resident. She gets all Bailey on him and says, “well it’s about time you noticed,” and then promptly dissolves into tears and hugs him. It’s awkward and really sweet. As much as I like Callie and felt bad for her because of the whole George/Izzie thing, she sucked at being Chief Resident.

Ack. Speaking of the George/Izzie thing, they try to have sex again. George suggests that they act out a fantasy and Izzie is dressed like Ashlee Simpson in this scene for some reason, but I don’t know if the two are related. Anyway, as I’m trying to hold the bile down, we cut to after the role-playing. Izzie is sitting on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel and rocking back and forth. She is horrified. George thinks he chipped a tooth. Ha! The next night they try again and this time Izzie brings a “box of fun.” It’s filled with booze and…other things that I don’t want to think about. She says that they’ll drink and “play.” Next thing I know, I’m the one rocking back and forth on my bathroom floor.

The Chief has also been traumatized after walking in on Derek cheating on him with Meredith. Derek apparently forgot about their plans to watch Taxi Driver. At least it gave Meredith a valid excuse to bolt the hell out of there. After Derek and the Chief have a conversation about how Derek isn’t actually his wife, Meredith comes over again. This time she stays a while. Could it actually be progress?

Meredith is making progress with Lexie as well. After Lexie tells Meredith five facts about herself to make Meredith hate her less (She’s really, really good at Etch-a-Sketch!) Meredith softens a little bit toward the socially-awkward loser and asks Alex to give Lexie a ride home from the bar, where she seems to be passed out. They get to Lexie’s house and who should stagger out? Why it’s Papa Grey. He’s obviously not taking the death of his wife very well and is about to drive out to the store for a refill on the river of scotch he has already consumed. Alex says he’ll drive to the store for him and Lexie asks him not to tell Meredith about this.

So we’re back to Izzie and George in bed again, and once again, MY EYES. They both seemed really pleased with themselves. George says says it was better because they're not drunk and he's not married. Izzie says it was incredible. George says "you're lying." She says "so are you."

Mer VO: “Chemistry: Either you have it, or you don’t.”

They don’t! They don’t! Please stop making me watch it. DO NOT WANT.

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