New Wii-Condom Protects The Things You Love This Winter

Ever felt the Wii-remote just wasn’t offering enough protection for your peace of mind? Too often, consumers have complained that their Wii-motes, often, during passionate sessions of Wii sports with their spouse, have been prone to bouts of insurmountable excitement, causing them to surge forth with furious speed, thereby thoroughly impregnating themselves within… your HDTV screen. Enter the Wii Remote Jacket (must be British or something), which slides over the tip of the Wii-mote, allowing you to avoid any unpleasant surprises nine months later…you know, around the time you finally finish paying off that new HDTV on your credit card.

Shipping on Oct 2, Nintendo announced that the new prophylactic is set to become standard issue with all new Wii consoles and with Wii Play. It appears to be made of a rubbery, latex mold offering optimal protection. Though you may wish to abstain from using this add-on, Nintendo strongly cautions against this; particularly if you are aggressive when playing with your Wii, or if you consume alcohol, which can lower your decision making ability.

If you have had multiple partners in the past during any Wii-related activities, during which you had not been using the Wii Remote Jacket regularly, you may wish to call them up and inform them that you may, in fact, have broken one of their TVs “that one night we were really drunk.” This should be all the more reason to pick up the Wii Remote Jacket as soon as it becomes available. Don’t let a broken HDTV happen to you, and if you have kids of your own, make sure you talk to them, and teach them how to properly put on a Wii remote jacket before they hit puberty. They’ll thank you for it later.