Bolls Up

Ape-like german Uwe Boll is a law unto himself. Despite having a fraction of the talent of talentless hack-director Paul WS Anderson he still somehow manages to get work. Not only that but manages to attract an even more impressive cast of has-beens and never-will-bes to his projects than his english counterpart. To top it all off he somehow has the money to fund his own projects meaning he never has to worry about a studio greenlight.

So it is that Mr Boll has begun carving himself a bizarre niche... buying the rights to popular video games and turning them into unredeemably gawdawful films. If you're an unfortunate soul you may have seen House Of The Dead which I had the glorious pleasure of ripping apart for this site. If you're a CB regular you may have seen the excruciating trailer for the Christian Slater vehicle Alone In The Dark which our man Uwe somehow invisages as a trilogy. Um yeah. Now, however we have the trailer for Uwe's next big videogame adaptation - the weirdo sexy vampires in revealing leather game - Bloodrayne. To be fair it isnt' nearly as bad as the Alone in the Dark trailer. To be totally ruthless it looks no better than anything dreamed up by the guys doing the "other" War of the Worlds movie that you'll probably never see.

Bloodrayne somehow stars Kristanna Loken, Michelle Rodriguez, Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Meat Loaf and Ghandi himself - Ben Kingsley and mercifully doesn't yet have a release date.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW ANOTHER BOLL MONSTROSITY IN THE MAKING

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Discuss the horror of a movie where Uwe Boll directs and Paul WS Anderson writes at The CB Forum.

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