Kirsten Dunst Suicide Bombed

Kirsten Dunst is joining the cast of a movie about a real life, 28-year-old relief worker killed by a suicide bomber. Don’t expect a happy ending.

Dunst will play the deceased worker Marla Ruzicka, head of an organization called Campaign for Innocent Victims of Conflict. You can probably figure out what they do from their name. Here’s a hint: they probably don’t shop at Party Pig for their office supplies. Ruzika raised millions for the organization before being killed along with her driver in Iraq. I really don’t see the movie in this. We watch her run around raising charity funds, and then she gets blown up? Where’s the movie in that? It does however, sound like a great way to sell Xanex.

While we’re at it, I’m really getting tired of movies about feeling sorry for all the American civilians who willingly go over there. Don’t go. I don’t have any sympathy for you if you do, and I’m sick of watching movies about how noble you are. Maybe you did some good. Nice, but it was probably erased by a bomb five minutes after you left. Besides, you knew the risks. Want to help people? Walk two blocks into your local ghetto. Every city has one. Go hand out dollar bills. It’s slightly less dangerous and probably more productive. Want to make a movie about Iraq? Try making one about the people who are forced to be there. You know, the ones who live there. Now that would suck. Of course it’s kind of hard to make sympathetic movies about them, when most of the time they want to kill you.

Josh Tyler