The summer is still in full gear as evidenced by the oppressive heat, Corona sales up 100% from the winter months and big budget flicks rolling across the screen on a weekly basis. This time we’ve got the masked man leaping into action and things getting despicable again.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

The Lone Ranger
Not being completely up-to-date on Native American relations and cultural sensitivity, I don’t know if I’m necessarily prepared or well enough informed to entertain a discussion about this film. Though, just by the sniff test, this image just seems a little bit racist, no? I don’t fault Johnny Depp per se as he probably just glanced at the feathers and face paint and signed the contract without even reading the script. And of course Tonto is some sort of bygone cultural icon who brought joy to millions of little boys who are now like seventy years old. But come on. It just looks so freaking weird.

Anyway, here comes the Lone Ranger, “Hi Ho Silver”-ing away with his trusty sidekick into theaters with the sort of firepower and special effects we’ve come to expect from the American West in the time of expansion. (At least according to Hollywood.) The film’s retelling of a story I can’t imagine anyone was really asking for continues the movie exec mission to bring back entertainment of yore while “updating it” for a modern day audience that requires non-stop action to keep ever decreasing attention spans. (I assume this was another reason for Tonto/ Depp’s get up. You just can’t look away from that thing).

Directed by Gore Verbinski (The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End-44%, Dead Man’s Chest-54% and The Curse of the Black Pearl-79%), The Lone Ranger looks to capture the filmmaker’s sense of entertainment by way of extravagance without those pesky stories or “plots” getting in the way. In other words, it’s perfect for summer.

What I find odd about this movie coming out now is that it falls into a generation gap that could have it hovering out in the ether in terms of audience. Those who grew up watching the show (or listening to it on the radio) are probably too old to enjoy the sis-boom-bang of the remake, while younger ticket buyers are all texting each other, like, “Who the [email protected]#$ is the Lone Ranger?”

Granted it could find a new audience to attach its old story, though I think it rubs some critics the wrong way, starting with Depp-as-Tonto and continuing into the mindless summer fare that’s entertaining just for entertainment’s sake. I’ll hedge a bit as it won’t be a basement dweller, but look for the reviews to resemble Verbinski’s recent work. The Rotten Watch for The Lone Ranger is 55%

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