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1997 brought George Lucas' Star Wars: Special Editions to the big screen over the course of three months, with each film including a number of changes that Lucas felt brought the films closer to his original, but limited vision that he released in 1977. While the anticipation was positive, the end result wasn't exactly a product the fans could completely rally behind. In 2004, Lucas screwed the pooch even further with his second round of "Special Editions," which really pissed fans off. For you Star Wars fans that have been hankering for some laughs out of the trauma, this video below is for you.
iO9 ran the video on their site today, and pretty much every special edition tweak you love or hate is showcased in this one convenient location: the Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer! For instance, remember how George Lucas felt he needed some more Storm Troopers combing the dessert to find R2-D2 and C-3PO's escape pod? Star Wars: The Force Awakens isn't going to leave that crucial detail out of its search for John Boyega!
Speaking of our new trooper, are you one of the fans that can't handle the fact that Boyega is randomly in a Storm Trooper costume in the trailer? Don't let the context of the finished film stand in your way, as Papa Lucas is going to fix that right up with some CGI Temura Morrison!
Spoiler alert: Greedo is so pissed that he shot first in the Star Wars: Special Editions that he's going to truly shoot first when Oscar Issac flies in his direction! George Lucas' vision has truly evolved, as he's already altering your memories before you even have a chance to fully form them!
Comedy aside, the Star Wars special edition trailer to The Force Awakens does manage to insert one scene that seems like a bit of an improvement on what was provided in the original trailer: it ups the stakes for the Millennium Falcon's return! Forget two TIE Fighters, send in a whole damned fleet! This is the vessel that made the Kessel Run in 12 Parsecs! Two damned TIE Fighters aren't enough to stop it!
If none of this has put a dent in your Star Wars loving psyche, congratulations: you're a pretty hard fan to scare! Your reward awaits below.
Yeah... not so tough now, are you? That is the face that will haunt your dreams, screeching its siren song at full pitch, beckoning you to rock with the Jedi! Pleasant dreams, nerf herder.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens will thankfully not contain any of this offensive imagery when it's released into theaters on December 18, 2015. And if you're seriously shaken by those bad memories of artistic integrity gone awry, this Lego version of the trailer should help you calm down.