They said it couldn't be done. They said that slacker Scotsman would never get off his butt and do any work. They said it was such a good feature that if he didn't get off his lazy ass then someone else would take over. That was the final straw.
Yes I know, it was terrible, I had just started to get into the swing of this weekly feature thing and then for some reason I fizzled out. Maybe it was that one night my PC crashed and I lost a whole Trailer Trash I had spent the better part of an evening preparing? Who knows, anyway it's back, I'm back and hopefully... hopefully... it might even stay as a weekly feature seeing as Josh, Bill, Rafe and even Matt now all have a weekly feature while I sit on my Laz-e-Boy and sup a cold Miller. Well no more...
I considered giving you lots of trailers to make up for lost time, but that would probably leave me with no trailers to review next week! Which wouldn't help my resolve to do this. D'oh!...
Coming soon to a theatre near you...
The Final Cut
Released: 24th September 2004
Robin Williams continues to realise that serious acting is where his best work is. The Final Cut is kinda like Michael Keaton's weepie 80s flick My Life but thrust into a futuristic sci-fi setting, where people have iPods implanted in their brain so Williams' character can create Lucas style special edition DVDs of their memories for surviving family members to enjoy. During the "editing" of one man's memories he comes across something that triggers a memory from his own childhood which could find him getting killed. One to watch.
Wimbledon
Released: 17th September 2004
If I told you this is a movie about tennis you'd probably run a mile away from it. If I told you that because it's about tennis it features Kirsten Dunst in tight white tops and short skirts you'll probably run a mile just to get to it, you lecherous lot. Anyway, it's a typical british rom-com deal, with the guy who played the doctor in Master and Commander as a failed tennis star who regains his form when he falls in love with american rising star tennis hottie played by Dunst. One guys won't mind getting dragged to by their girlfriends then.
Cellular
Released: 10th September 2004
Welcome to the "sequel" to Phone Booth. While not really a sequel, Joel Cohen wrote this as a companion piece of sorts to Joel Schumacher's superior claustrophobic thriller. When Ryan answers a wrong number on his mobile phone he is plunged into a deadly cat and mouse game when it turns out the woman on the other end of the phone has been kidnapped and needs his help to escape and save her son. With a shaky connection, a rapidly depleting battery, and cop William H. Macy trying to investigate the case, can Ryan get to the woman before it's too late, and is everything really as it seems on the other end of a phoneline?
Three
Released: TBC
Finally today, a little bonus for the guys out there. The return of (a very badly balding) Billy Zane! No, that's not the bonus. However the trailer for his new movie does feature naughty moments of nippular action from buxom british babe Kelly Brook. This movie seems to be some bastard son of The Blue Lagoon and weirdo 80s noodler Castaway (not the Tom Hanks one) and brought to us courtesy of the director of seminal 80s sci-fi classic Mac & Me. NOT WORK SAFE! Consider yourself warned you prudes!
Report by: Stuart Wood
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