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How long has it been since Robin’s been out of work on How I Met Your Mother? Long enough to have the government ready to throw her out. What do you do if you find out you only have 7 days left to find a job or be deported? If you’re Robin, you turn desperately to your friends, whom it ends up, can barely keep their own résumé straight, let alone help you with yours.

The problem with resumes is often, you put things on it you wish were still true. Take Marshall: he still has a 1995 Dunking Champion title on his resume. He can rationalize all he wants but he can’t dunk anymore, especially since the injury. He recently found out he has a disease (which has a really long and horrible sounding name) that is commonly referred to as “dancer’s hip.” Now, we all now Marshall would never go around dancing so it’s definitely a basketball injury. No matter what caused the dancer’s hip, it prevents him from ever being able to dunk. Guess his advice is out.

I would probably first go to Ted because he seems so logical. He would definitely have a to-die-for resume. Yeah. If you count having a stint as a DJ named Dr. X in college as an important step to becoming an architect. Just picture Ted all dorked out in college, standing in front of the cafeteria with a sign that reads, “Menu is Racism.” Don’t really know how cafeteria food can be racist but Ted’s alter ego, Dr. X, is convinced. He calls a shout out to all the other students to join him in the protest but in the end, it’s just Ted standing around looking sad because, well, he’s alone. If you go by Lily and Marshall, Dr. X was not quite loved by the student body. Basically, everyone would listen and talk about how big a douche Ted is. Oh, poor Ted.

Lily’s resume is fine, except that she has on it that she ate 26 hotdogs to win an eating challenge. Doesn’t really have anything to do with teaching kindergarten but whatever. She can still do hers, at least. Or can she. I guess it’s time to find out. Okay. Lily doesn’t eat 26 hotdogs, she eats 33. And they actually show her alter ego’s (Alyson Hannigan) giant pregnant belly. So three friends are down but there’s still Barney, who looks like he’s going to cry anytime Robin mentions Canada.

Barney’s resume is a little bit different. It’s a video resume which features him standing next to a horse, sitting on a motorcycle, and interviewing himself with an English/Scottish accent. The gang hates his resume but Barney said he got 11 job offers from it so Robin decides to give it a try. He has her make up words so she sounds creative and try to break 15 bricks with her forehead. Basically, she looks like a moron but as Barney says, employers want their employees to look like risk-takers and doers but actually not do anything. Robin storms out in frustration because she doesn’t believe Barney’s video resume will work for her. She even tries out to be a Lotto girl. I told you, desperation.

The gang’s all sad and toasting Robin’s departure when Barney busts in with some good news, which, of course, he tells very nonchalantly. Not only did he finish the resume himself and send it out, he got multiple calls about Robin. The first wanted her to come in an audition. Barney told that guy Robin doesn’t audition for anyone and the guy from the station promptly hung up on him. The next station, though, didn’t give up so easily and now, Robin Scherbatsky is the morning show host for Channel 10. And he got her a 10% increase from the original offer.

Seriously. Can I borrow some one’s video camera?