TV Recap: Project Runway - Welcome To The Jungle

Previously: Blayne didn’t know who Sgt. Pepper is and none of the designers understood what the challenge was. Korto ended up winning with a very unflattering cropped leather vest, while Jennifer, one of the random brunettes, was auf’d.

Heidi sends the designers to Parsons so Tim can give them their challenge, which involves a “high powered woman.” Since Bravo isn’t even pretending to give a crap this season and has already revealed all of the guest judges, it’s no surprise that the “high powered woman” is Brooke Shields. She did a Calvin Klein ad about 20 years ago, so she’s obvs. a fashion expert.

Christ on a cracker. So last week, we had a challenge that centered around the Olympics, which is being broadcast on NBC, now we have a challenge that centers around Shield’s craptastic NBC show, Lipstick Jungle. The challenge is to create a look for her character, who is a high powered woman, or whatever. Tim gives each designer a dossier of the character’s looks from last season so they have something to go on, while Brooke tells them that the look needs to carry her from day to night and that the winning look will actually appear on Lipstick Jungle.

Tim informs them that this is also the first team challenge, but they’re just working in pairs. They have a half hour to sketch, after which they will pitch their designs to Brooke. She’ll choose six designers who will move forward and the remaining designers will be their partners. Brooke ends up choosing Keith, Korto, Jerell, Kelly, Terri and Blayne.

Blayne chooses Leanne (who is terrified), Keith chooses Kenley (and charmingly interviews that he’s going to try to get her to “shut her mouth and stick to sewing”), Terri chooses Disco Suede, while Korto goes with Joe. Kelly chooses Daniel over Leathuh Face, which means that Jerell chooses Stella. Tim tells them that they have $150 and until midnight to complete their look. He also tells them that the winner will not receive immunity.

Tim comes to visit the designers and walks into the middle of Terri’s meltdown. She thinks the top that Disco Suede has done is “tragic,” while Tim says that he thinks it actually works—so that’s kind of a role reversal. Group hug! Jerell and Stella actually seem to be making a true collaboration and Tim is impressed with both their ability to work together and the design that they are creating. Joe and Korto, however, are not faring as well. Korto has designed a very chic, nude strapless dress, but paired it with a gigantic orange jacket that I’m pretty sure would make Brooke Shields look like a Yeti. Joe is concerned, but doesn’t know what to do, since it’s not his design.

Runway:

Korto and Joe: It looks like they fixed the jacket by making it less billowy and giving it more of a shape. The sleeves are still puffy as all get out, but it’s not as terrifying as it was. I’m still not sure that orange is Brooke Shields’ color though. The cutout that they did on the dress made the front bunch really weird, making it look like the entire thing is about to fall apart, so that’s not good.

Kelli and Daniel: This outfit is a hot mess. It looks like something Paris Hilton would wear. It’s a black skirt and bodice with leopard print and teal (?!) accents. It’s trashy and cheap looking. Brooke looks scared.

Jerell and Stella: Okay, so this look is kind of crazy, but in a real Sex & the City kind of way, which is appropriate, since Lipstick Jungle is basically the network version of that show. It involves a silk top and leather waistband with a full skirt. It’s funky and makes very little sense, but I’m digging it. Brooke Shields looks super-excited by it.

Keith and Kenley: I kind of like this outfit too. I’m definitely against high-waisted garments in my personal life, but I enjoy this brown skirt with cascading ruffley-type fabric. The shirt is kind of Golden Girls (which really seems to be a theme this season) but it’s subtle and I think the model pulls it off.

Terri and Disco Suede: Disco Suede ended up making a very J.Lo-esque off-the shoulder print top. It looks very well-constructed. They paired it with a black pant. It looks nice, but it doesn’t seem to fit very well into a day or night category—it seems somewhere in the middle. Maybe if they added a blazer or something? I don’t know.

Blayne and Leanne: Okay, so the Bermuda shorts: They’re kind of hideous. First of all, they make the model look hippy, which is never good when you’re dealing with someone whose hip measurements are in the negative numbers. Second of all, the shorts look like Action Slacks, which is never good if you’re not a middle-aged man shopping at Sears in 1986. The shirt is nice, but the whole outfit looks more fit for a day at the beach than a day at the office.

Judging:

Heidi tells the following teams to step forward: Jerell and Stella, Kelli and Daniel, Keith and Kenley, and Blayne and Leanne. Everybody else gets to leave the runway. Everyone is impressed with Jerell and Stella’s design. Brooke is a little worried that the belt is a bit too much, but that’s about it. Brooke does not like Kelli and Daniels design. She calls the shape “truly unfortunate” and says it looks “so much cheaper” than she thought it would.

Oh man, so some drama erupts on the runway. Heidi asks Kelli and Daniel who they think should go home and why, and Daniel starts blah blah-ing about his impeccable, high-end taste, and Kenley cracks up. It’s hilarious and so inappropriate. I haven’t found anyone to give a crap about yet this season, but I may be on Team Kenley now.

Speaking of Kenley, Brooke really likes her and Keith’s design, saying it looks “rich and expensive.” Nina isn’t sure it’s day enough, but says it’s beautiful. Brooke feels that Blayne and Leanne’s outfit is too casual and Nina is surprised that Leanne allowed this to happen.

After deliberations, Heidi brings everyone back out. Brooke tells Keith and Kenley that they are the winners, which kind of surprises me—I really thought Jerell and Stella had this one. They, however, are of course safe. Leanne is in, as is stupid Daniel, so it’s down to Kelli and Blayne. Heidi tells Kelly that both her structure and taste level are questionable. Blayne’s problem is that they’re not sure he can step outside of himself as a designer. However, bad taste never wins, so Kelli is out.

While Kelli doesn’t think she deserves to go home, her outfit was absolutely hideous and I have to say the judges made the right decision.

Next week: Chris is back! And there’s a drag queen challenge! Tim calls a design “a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park!” I take back everything negative I’ve said about this season: next week is going to be A-MA-ZING.