The best thing Nic Cage has done since 2005 is his vaguely racist portrayal of “Fu Manchu” in one of the fake trailers attached to Grindhouse. I’m not sure what that says about him, but it’s probably not good. We should all go rewatch The Weather Man so we can remember why he's famous. I'll bring the popcorn, you bring the anti-depressants.

Maybe his next movie will serve as a reminder. It’s not a Disney flick, which is probably a good start. Actually, it’s the opposite of a Disney flick: HR says he’s in negotiations to team up with John Carpenter. Granted, 20 years ago that would have been a lot better news than it is now. Carpenter’s string of failures stretches even longer than Cage’s at this point. It’s been a long time since he’s been relevant. Could two negatives make a positive?

They’re working together on a prison thriller about a troubled kid sent to prison as part of the Scared Straight program, and then trapped there when a riot breaks out and he’s taken hostage. Cage will play a prisoner in for life who helps him. He probably enlists Connery to help him escape through the steam tunnels or something.