American Idol Auditions Reaction - Chicago

American Idol headed to Chicago tonight for a completely unremarkable audition episode. Maybe I’m just tiring out on the audition episodes. Maybe they’re just too long (tonight’s was only one hour but it felt like two) or maybe I get the feeling that I’ve seen it all before (which I have). Maybe I’m just growing as a person. Whatever it is, tonight’s episode was about as boring as this show can get.

Two things really worked against the Chicago auditions. First, the talent just wasn’t there. In this case, I use talent to describe both the high and low ends of the scale. A successful audition episode needs both the extremely musical and undeniably insane. Tonight had neither. The talent was so few and far between as to render it forgettable. Even the crazy people seemed contrived. Secondly, some feel good stories never hurt. Even with Paige Dechausse (asthma) and Katelyn Epperly (divorce –more on this at the bottom) I couldn’t even muster up my weekly Danny Gokey award. I almost gave it to Angela Martin (not the Dunder Mifflin accountant) after she tried out for the third season in a row until I found out she missed last year because of a traffic violation. In fact, I’m not even handing out any awards tonight. No one deserved any. So there.

Instead, let’s just kick it right over to some thoughts and highlights from tonight:

- The Kately Epperly divorce thing. Man did Idol paint her father as the biggest deadbeat in the world or what? I’m not saying he isn’t, but jeez, they mentioned three times that he walked out on the family, showed his picture to millions of people, played up that he wasn’t there to see his daughter sing and that was just in about two minutes. What happens when we get to Hollywood? Bounties on his head? Idol producers show footage of people egging his house?

- Justin Ray, the guy from right at the end. My wife said his hair was “mesmerizing.” His occupation was “unemployed.” I call him a winner.

- Curly Newbern sang a Maxwell song and sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Something interesting about Maxwell is that I can see how his type of singing could convince other people they can do the same thing. Everyone has that high pitched joke voice they think kind of sounds better than it really does. It doesn’t mean those same people run right out and try out for American Idol but I can see how it happens.

- Some advice to Amy Lang: When you tell the judges you will be doing your “boob trick” during the song, well I can’t imagine Hollywood is in your future.

- Shania Twain contributed an unintentionally pun-filled critique to Justin Park, and that was about it. I guess the talent wasn’t really there tonight for her to really do anything, but she brought very little to the show.

- I’m very close to declaring Randy as having officially entered “quit and stay” territory. At work, we use this term to describe those older folks who have effectively given up on their jobs but continue to collect the weekly paycheck. This is Mr. Randy Jackson so far this season.