Rock Band And Grateful Dead: Lame Achievement Unlocked

Harmonix made their latest song list announcement for the upcoming Rock Band game. Now, maybe I’m missing something here but I have to ask…the Grateful Dead? I guess Harmonix couldn’t stand Guitar Hero having the lamest announcement with Brett Michaels’ inclusion in their game. But hey, at least the Dead play music instead of acting like pure douche bags on stage. Bravo Rock Band, you now have officially won the prize for pointless downloadable content announcement.

Jesus, I wouldn’t want to play a Grateful Dead song if they tickled my ass with their skeleton fingers. I mean, “Who’s Next” was a passable first entrant into the downloadable content arena for Rock Band. “Baba O’Riley” is a decent enough song, and I’m sure a handful of people will enjoy that. But this is Rock Band. Where the hell are the songs that rock? Instead we’re getting “music” that a bunch of dipshits in the mid-90’s thought was cool. And hey, wasn’t that a fun time when every kid in my high school thought they’d discovered the Grateful Dead. Please, let’s relive those glory days.

Could either Rock Band or Guitar Hero III give us something worthwhile? There’s so much on the way via download, why blow your load on music that should be left out on the road with a bunch of stoners? Not that I’m saying drugs are bad, only that you shouldn’t pay for them. That’s what grow lights and friends are for. If you want to rock this shit, then deliver up some damn Steve Vai. Maybe throw us a bone and include Eric Clapton. Where are those big announcements? Because when I play guitar the last thing I want to do is play some “Touch of Grey.” Seriously, what a steaming pile of fly semen that song is.

We’re going to be getting 18 master tracks from the Grateful Dead as downloadable content sometime this holiday season. You’ll be able to douche it up playing songs like “Truckin,’” and “Uncle John’s Band.” But you know what? This doesn’t affect the chances of Rock Band kicking ass. We already have Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album to look for, and playing “In Bloom” is going to get my juices flowing. And if you’re someone who’s looking forward to playing some Dead songs this holiday season, good for you. You have no taste, but it doesn’t bother me in the least. I’ll be too busy having drum battles on “Tom Sawyer” to care.

And let’s not forget that it was recently revealed by IGN that a few other songs would be coming along for the game. The most notable is the Billy Corgan scribed “Celebrity Skin” by Hole. Now, Hole is a passable travesty of a band and I wouldn’t want to slit my wrist if something like “Doll Parts” were included…but this is just a bad choice. “I Think I’m Paranoid” by Garbage is much better, as it’s a fun little pop diddy.

Rock Band is scheduled to release this November on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3.

Steve West

Staff Writer at CinemaBlend.