Safe Haven
Speaking of small towns, if you’re living in one and lucky enough to make it out of high school without pissing off the town’s freaky occult then congrats, because now you’re about to enter a Nicholas Sparks-based love story. (This is if we take movies as hard and fast truth, which I do.) These small towns are filled with romance, sometimes forbidden love, with characters who love and lose and are now looking to love again. Sometimes they have secrets. Sometimes they are gravely ill. Most times they work some blue collar-type jobs that allow for plenty of sweaty veneers. Bodies of water are usually involved. And usually these towns have about four relevant single people (the protagonist, the love interest, the close friend and the antagonist), all of whom are incredibly good looking. Welcome to Nicholas Sparks’ world.

And honestly, who really cares what this movie is about. But if you do I’ll hit the plot beats real quick. Josh Duhamel is a good looking widower with kids. Julianne Hough is a hot newcomer with secrets. They both walk around looking hot. Sometimes they take shirts off. Duhamel fixes a bike for her showing everyone he’s a “hands on” kind of dude. Hough’s secret catches up with her, but don’t worry, it doesn’t really affect her hotness in any way. In the end everyone goes down in a blazing firefight that leaves the whole town a bloody mess of carnage and dashed love (At least I think that’s what happens, I haven’t seen the film yet.) Director Lasse Hallstrom has experience tackling a Sparks-ian sapfest with Dear John (28%). In fact, Sparks-based movies fall into a fairly predictable range. Others include The Last Song (19%), Nights in Rodanthe (31%), A Walk to Remember (27%), The Notebook (52%) and The Lucky One (20%). There’s really no reason to believe this will suddenly be the outlier of the bunch. Let’s play it safe. The Rotten Watch for Safe Haven is 31%

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