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Spy Kids 4: All The Time In The World Trailer Unsexys Jessica Alba

When we predicted late last year that Joel McHale was on his way to becoming a movie star, this isn’t exactly what we had in mind. McHale is in the first trailer for Spy Kid 4: All the Time in the World along with a lot of other really talented people who deserve better, and Jessica Alba.

This is the fourth entry in Robert Rodriguez’s mostly unwanted spy movies for kids series. Unwanted by people who are interested in Rodriguez and good movies in general at least. The Spy Kids sequels make a lot of money, the last one cleared $100 mil domestically (kids will watch anything... though that doesn't mean they should), and so Robert's dedication to making these things keeps distracting him from making one of the half-dozen or so other projects he promises but never does. Those projects movie lovers actually want to see, but instead there’s this.

Just in case you’re one of those people who’s still on board the 3D train and got all excited about that in “4D” promise at the end, calm down. It doesn’t mean anything. Rodriguez hasn’t added smell-o-vision or anything. Mostly it’s just a lame marketing gimmick. It’s also a clear indicator of just the kind of audience this movie is shooting for. People who think that the more “Ds” you add on to a movie the better it is. Before 3D those were the same people who thought that the more CGI a movie contained, the better it was. Lucky for them, this movie seems to have plenty of CGI overuse going on too.

Here’s my prediction for this movie: It’ll be ignored at the box office but make a lot of money on DVD. Enough that Robert Rodriguez will make another one. In the process it’ll also end Jessica Alba’s career as a sex symbol, forcing her to get parts based solely on her acting ability… which is to say you’ll never see her again.

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