Previously on 90210: A whitebread family moves from the Midwest to Beverly Hills! The kids whine to each-other about leaving the Midwest! The new girl has a crush on the alpha bitch's boyfriend! The new, female Dylan is the old alpha bitch's little sister! The cool jock cheats on the alpha bitch and then dumps her like a chili cheese burrito! The new girl gets picked up by the mega-hot, super rich guy who I'm certain is a date rapist! The new girl and the cool jock are still friends, but the jock wants more!
Wow... that could have been my entire recap last week - I write too damned much!
This week: OMGDRAMA!!
The parents are all bent out of shape because everyone is so busy having lives, so they decide to bring a little bit of Wichita to Beverly Hills by having a family bowling night. The kids, wisely valuing any semblance of a social life they've achieved, want nothing to do with it and have plans of their own. As an escape plan, Annie asks the pretty boy to show up at the bowling alley and Dixon invites Navid and Silver, both hoping that the friends will help convince their parents to let them bail. Dixon's either catching the new Bond movie with the boys or making out with Silver.
Personally, I'd pick making out with Silver, if it wasn't for the fact that my fiance is giving me a dirty look as she reads this sentence.
Speaking of Silver, she's apparently been staying at a women's shelter, presumedly to stay away from her mother. When the women's shelter kicks her out to make room for women who really need a shelter, she asks Kelly if they can have a sleepover. Unfortunately, Kelly has plans to "eat dinner" with the English Teacher/Lacrosse Coach/Token Cool Adult. Even money says she'll end up asking the Wilsons if she can crash with them, cementing her status as the female Dylan/Dillon/However the hell he spelled his name. I spell it "douche".
By the way, Silver's "you don't know what it's like there" line and look of desperation makes me think that her mom is abusing her and wouldn't that make her exactly the type of woman who needs the shelter?
Anyway, Ethan's trying to be decent to Naomi, but she's being a superbitch (big surprise) by pretending not to have time to talk to him and trying to throw her dad's big golf getaway to Vegas in his face. Unfortunately for Naomi, her daddy is too busy with work to do the getaway. He buys her a nice shiny Mercedes SUV to make up for it, but she's still pouting.
Two episodes in, and we already know Naomi's problem - her daddy never bought her a pony!
Ryan's (Teacher/Coach/Token blah blah blah) date with Kelly reveals some more clues about Sammy's dad. He's the only guy that Kelly has seriously dated since Sammy was born, which really tells us nothing, but he's also a guy that she had alot of history with in high school. They broke up and got back together, though the getting back together could easily have been after the series went off the air. Even if it was before the show went off the air, it'd mean nothing to me, since I never really watched the show. Still, my money's on Brandon Walsh, which probably means it's David or something crazy like that. The next thing she says makes me doubt that it's Brandon, though. Apparently, the dad saw Sammy in the beginning, but then he and Kelly "had some issues", though he now wants to be back in Sammy's life. My impression of Brandon is he would be in his kid's life no matter what, but maybe I'm wrong.
Family bowling night turns into a big bowling festival with Silver and the Lacrosse team and Silver gets all misty-eyed wishing her mom was into doing family stuff. Poor Silver, I think she needs me to comfort her. Ty the pretty date rapist never shows up, so Ethan makes his move on Annie. He makes progress with a sad story about his broken home, but then the date rapist shows up. Damn the date rapist!
Naomi's cruising with Dope Fiend Adrianna and gets a text about everyone hanging out at the bowling alley. They decide to go, but Naomi wants to take her dad something to eat first. I smell double drama! Sure enough, Daddy's humping around and happens to be walking his ho to her ho-mobile. Unfortunately, Ty has already cock-blocked Ethan, so there will be no drama on that front.
Speaking of Ty and Annie and the bowling alley and all that, Ty spits a little game about how rich and awesome his family is and then sends Annie to bail on her parents. The 'rents are surprisingly cool about it and send both kids on their way to have fun. Dixon didn't get to make out with Silver, but it's Bond time!
The drama queens pull up to the bowling alley and Dopegirl gets Ethan to come out and comfort Naomi. Annie predictably ditches Ty to come help but Ethan takes off to give Naomi a ride home. Since Annie can't make up her mind, Ty also ditches her and she takes off with Silver to catch Bond with the boys.
With luck, the Date Rapist's days are numbered.
The parents get all mopey at home about their kids growing up. I don't even need to recap the conversation, you can imagine how it went all on your own.
Ryan and Kelly make out and decide that they're dating, so yay for them.
After Bond night, the kids head home and Silver sleeps in her car outside their house. Dixon sees her in her car when he takes out the trash. Silver tells him about her crazy drunk mom and not wanting to go home. Silver goes kinda crazy when Dixon wants to tell his dad and he gives her his "I'm from the streets, bitch! I wasn't always with these whitebread fools!" speech and convinces her to trust his dad. As I predicted, the Wilsons tell her that she can stay with them. Female Dylan/Dillon/Douche, peoples! Papa Wilson talks to Kelly and she decides to confront her mom.
Naomi snitches on her dad, but her mom already knows all about his ho in a different area code. Naomi's all indignant and shit, but her mom's all calm and relaxed. She's not giving up her life or family. They obviously have "an understanding".
Kelly and Silver's drunk ass mom doesn't even know where Silver is and gets all indignant when Kelly confronts her. Silver comes home and gets all pissy at Kelly for interfering. Jackie tries to throw Sammy in Kelly's face and then kicks both girls out, saying she's tired of both of them. Alkies are so fun, kids.
Closing out the show, we get a musical montage while Annie gets a text from Ethan and lights up in the face, Naomi watches - disgusted - as her parents kiss and be domestic, Kelly and Silver snuggle with Sammy, and the Wilson kids make breakfast for their parents.
90210 is still super predictable, but it's growing on me. I definitely liked this week's episode better than last week. Things seem to be going somewhere, even if I can see it coming a mile away.
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