“We’re putting our best foot forward.”

Say what you will about Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story, but it’s impossible to deny how savvy this teaser-making marketing squad is. Each season has delivered its share of creepy ass teasers, and the anthology series’ upcoming Freak Show iteration is no exception. Behold, the three-legged woman! Witness her shoe purchasing problems!

This teaser showcases yet another of the series’ wild and wonderful carnival team, which will boast everything from Kathy Bates’ bearded lady to the actual record holder for the smallest woman in the world. The three-legged contortionist seen in the video above may or may not be in the show itself, but her presence wouldn’t be surprising in the least. And if she does appear, I’d bet good money that she ends up naked, with a big thigh protruding from her nether region. American Horror Story knows no sexual bounds. I dare not consider how perverse Sarah Paulson’s conjoined twin characters’ storyline gets by the end of the seasons. Or rather, I've already considered it and it's not fit to print.

Another recent Freak Show teaser involves a caged woman with blue hands. Is she the Bluebird of Happiness? Is this K-PAX and/or Follow that Bird? It was posted with the caption “Birds of a feather shock together,” though I think a more effective approach would have been “I know why the caged bird screams.” It writes itself.



I wonder how many more of these teasers we’re going to get before an actual trailer surfaces. We got our first good look at everyone the other day with the stellar cast poster, which showcased Michael Chiklis’ mustachioed strongman Wendell Del Toredo and Angela Bassett’s three-boobed Desiree Dupree, his wife. As well, Jessica Lange’s Elsa Mars made her big debut, as she’s the head honcho of this bizarre assortment of carnival freaks and oddities. We’re still waiting on good looks at Wes Bentley’s villainous Eddie and John Carroll Lynch’s hyper-evil Twisty, the clown killer. (He’s a clown who is a killer; he doesn’t kill clowns. Or maybe he does.)

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It feels like an impossible feat (impossible feet) to have to wait another month until American Horror Story: Freak Show debuts on FX on Wednesday, October 8. But we'll just amuse ourselves in the meantime with these open jars of pickled punks.

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