See What Star Wars: Episode 2 Would Be Like If It Were Actually Good
The Internet is full of a lot of information, deep thinking, experiments and other fascinating forays into the human mind… but maybe 40% of all that thinking is devoted to Star Wars. OK, fine, more than 40% of it is actually devoted to porn, but Star Wars is taking up plenty of space too, especially now that the relatively imminent arrival of Episode VII gives a lot of people a new excuse to think about what they really want to see happen in a galaxy far, far away. Probably none of them will take it as far, though, as this guy at Belated Media, where they've put together a 16-minute pitch on how to improve Episode 2, also known as Attack of the Clones. You know, the "hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo" one.
As you might guess, it takes a lot of work to shape up that film into something with actual characters, stakes, action, etc., and this version involves beefing up the friendship between Obi-Wan and Anakin, turning Uncle Owen-- the guy who raises Luke Skywalker-- into an Anakin Skywalker superfan as opposed to Anakin's actual stepbrother. Sure, that sounds bizarre, but isn't the relationship between Anakin and Owen in the actual movie even weirder? From there you include Owen in the action more, give an expanded role to Padme's brother Bail, keep Darth Maul alive… there are lots of changes to incorporate, and having not seen Attack of the Clones since its midnight opening night screening in 2002, I'm already fuzzy on the difference between the actual movie and this guy's revamp. Though I'm pretty sure the line "dope and deadly robot legs" was not part of the original George Lucas script.
It's funny that, even with a bright new future of Episode VII and the return of the original cast ahead of us, we're still obsessing over the problems of the prequels, which are pretty much guaranteed not to be repeated now that George Lucas has stepped away from the franchise and a legit storyteller like Michael Arndt taking over. Broken dreams leave wounds that last a lifetime, and no matter what we start hearing about Episode VII-- whenever Disney decides to spill the beans, that is-- fans will be looking for comparisons to the prequels and getting concerned. That is, unless we can collectively wipe our own memories and replace them with this guy's version of the story. We'd probably all be much happier as people, actually.
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