The Devil Inside [Blu-Ray]

Even though it came out early in the year, The Devil Inside is still the worst movie of 2012. It pretty much already holds the title as the worst exorcism movie of all time. The Exorcist totally ruined exorcism movies for everybody. Not because it was bad, mind you, but because it was good. Too good, even. It was nominated for Best Picture in 1973, losing to The Sting. (But really, what could beat The Sting?) The main problem, though, is that no exorcism movie could ever out-scare The Exorcist, as some people call it the scariest movie of all time. Now, I wouldn’t go that far -- The Grudge and A Tale of Two Sisters shall always be my reigning champions -- but still, nothing else can touch it. That’s why exorcism movies these days have to have something unique about them to make them relevant. The Exorcism of Emily Rose had the court trial, and The Last Exorcism had that, well, that ending. But do you want to know what makes The Devil Inside different? The answer to that is that I have no idea. It doesn’t even feel like a movie, but rather like you’re watching your own brain cells dying right in front of you. It’s so bad that it’s not even mediocre. It’s god-awful and one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I condemn this film to Hell!

I can’t even say that the found-footage thing is unique about it since The Last Exorcism already covered that. All this film has going for it is nuns with opaque eyes and insufferable cheek-jiggling from those who are possessed. So if you find that scary, then you might want to check this movie out. But if you do find that scary, then you’re probably only seven years old and really shouldn’t be at this site in the first place. I mean, we can drop cuss words here, son. Like shit. And damn. For example, this movie is damn shitty. And even that weird contortionist scene that you saw in the trailer isn’t worth a damn given the context of the rest of this film. It’s like watching something on TLC. “I’m a Teenage Contortionist.” It’s really that lame. Seriously, The Devil Inside wasn’t worth watching in the movie theater and it’s not worth watching here on Blu-ray. Especially with the nonexistent special features, but I’ll get to that later.

The worst part about The Devil Inside, though, is the ending, which is a total smack in the face to anybody who expects a movie to have an ending that makes any sense and isn’t super abrupt. Throughout the film, the protagonist, who has gotten a cameraman and two rouge priests to exorcise her mother, makes dumb decision after dumb decision. But nothing is dumber than her decision at the end, which leads to the most inconclusive finale I think I’ve ever seen in all my years of watching movies. When I saw this film back in the theater, one person even threw their soda bottle at the screen in anger. I’ve never seen that before. Then again, I do go to a pretty tame movie theater. I should have seen this in the run-down theater by my house. The patrons there probably ripped out seats and raised hell. I would have liked to have seen that. At least then I would have seen something interesting.

Overall, The Devil Inside is one of the most off-the-rails train wrecks I’ve ever seen. I’ve watched a lot of horror movies, and The Devil Inside is the worst. I can’t recommend this film to anybody. The power of Christ compels you not to watch this film. And if you already bought it, then the power of Christ compels you to throw it in the garbage. God loves everybody. But He doesn’t love this film. If I could give a disc zero stars, I would. This disc is fucking pathetic. The special features include…well, there are no special features. Unless you consider French or Spanish subtitles a special feature, which I don’t. I consider that to be a standard. I’m actually upset that they even put that on here. The Spanish language doesn’t deserve to be sullied by this script.

The biggest football-in-the-groin, though, is that you know they didn’t put any effort into this Blu-Ray because everybody already spread the word that this movie deserves to burn in Hell. I’m actually surprised it even got a Blu-Ray release. I mean, who the hell would actually pay money for this shit? Again, I mean. Everybody already knows it’s awful. It received an F from CinemaScore, and that’s a vote by actual audiences. If the film’s target market gave the film a unanimous thumbs down, then what makes anybody think they wouldn’t have already told people already to steer clear of this nonsense? It’s no wonder there’s no commentary, deleted scenes, or even trailers for this bomb. There are only so many ways that I can say this disc is crap so I’ll leave it at that. This disc is a piece of shit!