To win over consumers, game publishers will say some amazing things. They'll use all sorts of flowery, meaningless language to paper over a game's flaws or their questionable business decisions.
Here are some of the most common words you'll see tossed around in official announcements from gaming companies, along with their real meaning:
Authentic - "Our game uses the real brand names for firearms."
Award-winning - "SurlyBillReviewsGamesAndHamburgers.blogspot.com gave our game five stars!"
Cinematic - "You'll spend half the game watching cutscenes."
Dark - "Your character forgot to shave."
Dynamic - [jerk-off motion]
Engaging - "It's a video game."
Epic - "Our game has an orchestral soundtrack."
Exclusive - "The game won't be released on a rival console but it will probably be released on PC."
Free-to-play, not pay-to-win - "Yes, you can spend an almost unlimited amount of money on in-game items that will make the game easier and potentially more fun but HEY LOOK OVER THERE!"
Gone gold - "Our game is finished except for the 3GB day-one patch."
Gritty - "Players will meet prostitutes."
High-octane - "It's a racing game."
Immersive - "There's a first-person camera and you see your character's hands when you're vaulting over obstacles."
Infinite possibilities - "You can be a warrior, mage or rogue."
Mature - "So many prostitutes."
Open world - "You'll spend 10 minutes running or driving to your next mission. Also, we hid a bunch of Faberge eggs throughout the game that you can find for an achievement."
Over-the-top - "You're going to fight a dwarf."
Pre-order - "Give us money before the reviews arrive."
Pushes modern-day hardware to its limits - "Our game costs $60."
Realigning our resources - "We're laying off a ton of people."
Refocusing our efforts - "We're laying off a ton of people and now making mobile games."
Reimagining - "Remember that game you liked from the nineties? We made a shooter based on it."
Remastered - "Remember that game you liked from 2007? Pay $40 for better lighting."
Revolutionary - "This shooter's cover system is as momentous as the forcible overthrow of a government."
Retro-inspired - "The graphics are sub-par and there are no checkpoints."
Season Pass - "You've already gambled $60 on this game being good so why not gamble another $40 on the DLC?"
Shipped 1 Million Copies - "Retailers bought one million copies of our game at a discount but customers haven't bought all of them them yet. We're hoping no one knows the difference."
Spiritual successor - "Our new game is kind of like a sequel to an award-winning series but we don't want to get sued. Please donate to our Kickstarter."
Streamlined - "This sequel can be played with fewer buttons than previous games in the series."
Value - "Our Season Pass is a great deal because it's cheaper than buying DLC packs individually. Let's ignore the fact that not buying DLC packs is even cheaper."
Visceral - "Be prepared to fight demon babies."
Winner of multiple E3 awards - "There's one good level in our game and we showed it off at E3."
Did we miss any good ones? Let us know in the comments below.
