To win over consumers, game publishers will say some amazing things. They'll use all sorts of flowery, meaningless language to paper over a game's flaws or their questionable business decisions.

Here are some of the most common words you'll see tossed around in official announcements from gaming companies, along with their real meaning:

Authentic - "Our game uses the real brand names for firearms."

Award-winning - "SurlyBillReviewsGamesAndHamburgers.blogspot.com gave our game five stars!"

Cinematic - "You'll spend half the game watching cutscenes."

Dark - "Your character forgot to shave."

Dynamic - [jerk-off motion]

Engaging - "It's a video game."

Epic - "Our game has an orchestral soundtrack."

Exclusive - "The game won't be released on a rival console but it will probably be released on PC."

Free-to-play, not pay-to-win - "Yes, you can spend an almost unlimited amount of money on in-game items that will make the game easier and potentially more fun but HEY LOOK OVER THERE!"

Gone gold - "Our game is finished except for the 3GB day-one patch."

Gritty - "Players will meet prostitutes."

High-octane - "It's a racing game."

Immersive - "There's a first-person camera and you see your character's hands when you're vaulting over obstacles."

Infinite possibilities - "You can be a warrior, mage or rogue."

Mature - "So many prostitutes."

Open world - "You'll spend 10 minutes running or driving to your next mission. Also, we hid a bunch of Faberge eggs throughout the game that you can find for an achievement."

Over-the-top - "You're going to fight a dwarf."

Pre-order - "Give us money before the reviews arrive."

Pushes modern-day hardware to its limits - "Our game costs $60."

Realigning our resources - "We're laying off a ton of people."

Refocusing our efforts - "We're laying off a ton of people and now making mobile games."

Reimagining - "Remember that game you liked from the nineties? We made a shooter based on it."

Remastered - "Remember that game you liked from 2007? Pay $40 for better lighting."

Revolutionary - "This shooter's cover system is as momentous as the forcible overthrow of a government."

Retro-inspired - "The graphics are sub-par and there are no checkpoints."

Season Pass - "You've already gambled $60 on this game being good so why not gamble another $40 on the DLC?"

Shipped 1 Million Copies - "Retailers bought one million copies of our game at a discount but customers haven't bought all of them them yet. We're hoping no one knows the difference."

Spiritual successor - "Our new game is kind of like a sequel to an award-winning series but we don't want to get sued. Please donate to our Kickstarter."

Streamlined - "This sequel can be played with fewer buttons than previous games in the series."

Value - "Our Season Pass is a great deal because it's cheaper than buying DLC packs individually. Let's ignore the fact that not buying DLC packs is even cheaper."

Visceral - "Be prepared to fight demon babies."

Winner of multiple E3 awards - "There's one good level in our game and we showed it off at E3."

Did we miss any good ones? Let us know in the comments below.

RELATED: New Star Wars VR Is The Most Unreal Gaming Experience

Blended From Around The Web

 

Related

Hot Topics

Gateway Blend ©copyright 2018