Zack and Miri Make a Porno opens this weekend and by now you’re probably sick of hearing us talk about it. You've read my review and you've watched Rafe's review. We saw it together months ago, and we’ve been excited about it ever since. Come Friday, we’ll finally be able to share that experience with everyone else. But don’t see it just to make us happy. Here’s my last ditch attempt to convince you. Nine reasons you need to be in line on Friday to buy a Zack and Miri Make a Porno ticket.

Everybody’s Doing It
You’ve seen and loved all of Kevin Smith’s movies, but unless you spend a lot of time hanging out on the View Askew message boards, almost none of your friends have. That’s about to change with Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Odds are that this Kevin Smith movie is going to be huge and for once, you’ll be able to watch a Smith movie that everyone else is in on too. And if you’re slick, after your friends see it maybe you’ll be able to slip them a copy of Clerks.

Katie Morgan’s “Acting”
This is a classy site (ok it’s not) so we’re not going to come out and say it (yes we are). But please note that the word “acting” (“boobs”) is put in quotation marks. Katie Morgan is a porn star (hubba hubba). I’m sure you can figure out what “acting” means (it means lots of sex and nudity). This is a movie about people making a porno after all. No movie with the word “porno” in the title would be complete without a little “acting” (ass!). Katie Morgan delivers (nipples).

Superman As A Gay Porn Star
There’s something gleefully subversive in Brandon Routh’s Zack and Miri performance. He shows up for an extended cameo, playing a gay porn star. This is a guy known pretty much only for playing Superman, the most bland, straight-arrow, superhero ever conceived. He’s America’s big blue boy scout, and on the weekends he enjoys the male members of other gentlemen for fun and profit.

Justin Long As A Gay Porn Star
Watching the Mac guy play a gay porn star isn’t as subversive as imagining Superman testing the laws against buggery, but Justin Long’s performance is so over the top that it’s even funnier. I’m pretty sure PC wouldn’t approve.

Jay’s Wang
Don’t worry ladies, Kevin Smith plays it down the middle. The girls get naked and so, unfortunately, do the guys. Jason Mewes has teased us for years now with his naked body and in Zack and Miri Make a Porno he finally whips it out. I threw up a little in my mouth when it happened, but some of you may enjoy it. So yeah, if Mewes balls are your thing, then you’re in luck.

Princess Leia Elizabeth Banks
If you’re a geek, then any woman you’re attracted to you is instantly imagined as Princess Leia. Well imagine no longer. Zack and Miri puts Elizabeth Banks in a Princess Leia outfit to make your fantasies a reality. Ok, it’s not gold bikini, slave Leia, but it’s still Leia. You can extrapolate the rest from there, can’t you?

Seth Rogen’s Laugh
This one is a staple in anything Rogen’s doing, but in Zack and Miri Seth’s laugh is really and truly unleashed. It’s hard to say exactly what’s going on inside his nasal cavity when he finds something funny, but whatever that coughing, weezing, chuckling sound is which seems to come out of his mouth, it’s nearly as funny as whatever it is that started him laughing in the first place. When Seth Rogen’s Ha Haing, it’s a safe bet that there’s something good going on.

Craig Robinson
You’ve seen him running the warehouse on The Office, but if you think you know Craig Robinson then you’re in for a shock. He’s more than an ancillary background character here, Zack and Miri is Craig Robinson’s coming out party. Even matched up against the formidable comedic talents of Rogen and Banks, Robinson is a scene stealer. He runs away with the movie and every word out of his mouth is gold. If Zack and Miri hits big, then expect Craig Robinson’s career to skyrocket. Get in on the ground floor.

Hey Ladies! There’s a Love Story!
At the core of Zack and Miri is a sweet, endearing, awkward little love story. There’s more to this one than dick jokes and Katie Morgan nudity… though to be sure there’s plenty of that. But in a weird way, it’s also a date movie, a movie about real relationships and falling in love. When Zack and Miri finally have sex in the film there’s nothing prurient or exploitative about it. Even though it happens in front of a room full of people, it’s one of the most sensitive, restrained, realistic first time love scenes ever shot on film. Your girlfriend will love it. Don’t miss Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

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