It’s 2004 awards time already, and the year isn’t even over yet. I’ve still got a few more films to fit in before I firm up my top ten list, but critical big wigs are already passing annual judgement. What’s the rush?
Things are getting rolling with the announcement of the nominees for the 62nd Annual Golden Globes, an awards ceremony that ought to be sponsored by bikinis and tanning lotion. Here’s a look at the nominees with poorly thought out commentary from me. As always, I’ll be ignoring the television nominees, except to point out that “Lost” was nominated for Best Drama and damn well better win. Here we go…
Drama::
• The Aviator
• Closer
• Finding Neverland
• Hotel Rwanda
• Kinsey
• Million Dollar Baby
I’m frankly pretty sick of hearing about Million Dollar Baby, though perhaps I should see it before passing judgement on it. It just seems like one of those movies that people who talk loudly and know ART are shitting themselves over, it’s this year’s Mystic River. I have no idea what Closer is doing on this list and the thought of having to watch Hotel Rwanda depresses me more than words. There’s a screener copy sitting on top of my TV right now, depressing me every time I walk by it.
Actress, Drama:
• Scarlett Johansson, A Love Song for Bobby Long
• Nicole Kidman, Birth
• Imelda Staunton, Vera Drake
• Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
• Uma Thurman, Kill Bill: Vol. 2
The GG’s have lost their ever lovin mind. Birth? really? Come on now folks, admit it. At this point you’re just nominating Nicole out of habit.
Actor, Drama:
• Javier Bardem, The Sea Inside
• Don Cheadle, Hotel Rwanda
• Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland
• Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator
• Liam Neeson, Kinsey
Love seeing Liam on here. Same with Depp and DiCaprio. Strong category, nice nominations.
Musical or Comedy:
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• The Incredibles
• Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera
• Ray
• Sideways
I hate that the Globes insist on splitting their movies up this way by weird categories. Let’s have one Best Picture. Splitting them up like this is sort of like telling the movies in Musical or Comedy that they’re the Drama’s retarded brother and couldn’t possibly be good enough to compete against the real winners. Either way, Phantom’s appearance is a bit of a shock. The buzz on it hasn’t been great. Also, someone should let these people know that just because Ray has singing in it doesn’t make it a musical… unless the story of a drug abusing blind man with an incredible talent for music is somehow funny. Maybe I just missed the joke.
Actress, Musical or Comedy:
• Annette Bening, Being Julia
• Ashley Judd, De-Lovely
• Emmy Rossum, Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera
• Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Renée Zellweger, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
Annette Bening? What year is this again?
Actor, Musical or Comedy:
• Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Jamie Foxx, Ray
• Paul Giamatti, Sideways
• Kevin Kline, De-Lovely
• Kevin Spacey, Beyond the Sea
Kevin Spacey should be buried under the sea for forcing me to watch his movie. A pretty uninspired group of nominees. Where’s Will Ferrell? Hello! Anchorman, that’s a comedy. You see it actually made people laugh. I killed a man with a Triton!
Foreign Language:
• The Chorus, France
• House of Flying Daggers, China
• The Motorcycle Diaries, Brazil
• The Sea Inside, Spain
• A Very Long Engagement, France
I read too many of these movies. If even the French don’t like A Very Long Engagement, then why should we?
Supporting Actress:
• Cate Blanchett, The Aviator
• Laura Linney, Kinsey
• Virginia Madsen, Sideways
• Natalie Portman, Closer
• Meryl Streep, The Manchurian Candidate
Oh yes. Give me Blancheet! Portman should get a point deduction for putting the nudity genie back in the bottle after it had already been unleashed.
Supporting Actor:
• David Carradine, Kill Bill: Vol. 2
• Thomas Haden Church, Sideways
• Jamie Foxx, Collateral
• Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby
• Clive Owen, Closer
I am really shocked to discover that there are actually people who have this high a regard for Closer. Go Dave! Kung Fu Clive’s ass!
Director:
• Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
• Marc Forster, Finding Neverland
• Mike Nichols, Closer
• Alexander Payne, Sideways
• Martin Scorsese, The Aviator
This category should belong to Scorsese. Those other guys are honored to be nominated with him.
Screenplay:
• Charlie Kaufman, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• John Logan, The Aviator
• David Magee, Finding Neverland
• Patrick Marber, Closer
• Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Sideways
I wonder if any of these GG voters or even the Oscar votes actually read these screenplays before voting on this category. I have a stack of them that have been sent to me, but honestly, who has the time to read the script for Kinsey after you just finished watching it? Cast your vote and fake it, that’s what I’d do.
Original Score:
• Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
• Jan A.P. Kaczmarek, Finding Neverland
• Rolfe Kent, Sideways
• Howard Shore, The Aviator
• Hans Zimmer, Spanglish
Howard Shore’s work on The Aviator owns, it nearly makes up for that mess on Gangs of New York. However, if they were going to nominate Birth for something, this would have been the place, not in the actress category.
Original Song:
• "Accidentally in Love" from Shrek 2
• "Believe" from The Polar Express
• "Learn to be Lonely" from Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera
• "Million Voices" from Hotel Rwanda
• "Old Habits Die Hard" from Alfie
I really miss Hakuna Matata. Songs from movies about ethnic cleansing should not be nominated.
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