You can see Ricky Gervais on television these days, as one of the minds behind the best travel show ever created, An Idiot Abroad. He describes it as the most expensive practical joke he’s ever pulled, and whatever it’s costing him, it’s totally worth it. But really, in a perfect world you’d be seeing even more of Ricky on TV, maybe even hosting the Oscars this weekend. Instead he’ll probably never host anything again, because we’ve been by told the entertainment media (the members of which for the most part make their entire living by sucking up to these people) he’s too mean for Hollywood’s classy culture of selfless givers.
Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes this year, and because he refused to bow to the high-powered talent gathered around him, he was legitimately hilarious. The Oscars, on the other hand, have gone a different direction in recent years. It started when they hired Hugh Jackman to host, and this year they’ve gone with Anne Hathaway and James Franco, in a move which they seem to think adds an air of legitimacy by getting away from all those dirty, mean comedians. Maybe it does add an air of class, but much as I love looking at Anne Hathaway, it’ll also probably make it more boring.
Luckily this Sunday while you’re enduring the never-ending Academy Awards ceremony you won’t have to wonder how much better it would have been if the Oscars had hired Ricky to host it. He’s answered that question by writing a monologue for Anne Hathaway and James Franco, which they would never, ever use. Here’s a few excerpts:
JF You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you'll start to identify with him.
JF Anyway let's get this show on the road. There were some great kids' movies this year. I took a five year old to see Toy Story 3 last week.
Read Ricky’s entire, theoretical Oscar monologue on his site,