Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
In some ways this was a very slow week for news around the ol’ CB. With the New Year’s thing happening, us trying to get year end lists put together, and all the movie people not doing a whole lot, we didn’t have as many stories as usual. In other way, it was insanely busy as we tried to get our year end lists put together and recover from massive hangovers and get bailed out of jail and the like. So, Catch-22, right? No? Well, something like that.
SATURDAY
Tom and Bryan try to get you not to hate Tom quite so much.
I went and saw Valkyrie and it’s pretty good. Tom Cruise is good in it. I know some people want him to fall flat on his face for being such a Scientologist tool, but he doesn’t. He’s still a tool, but the movie’s good. It’s probably going to be better than Black Dynamite. That movie looks good as a trailer, but will probably get kinda tiresome in reality. Jeez, this first recap wasn’t that funny, I need to pep up here.
SUNDAY
Josh bats .300.
Fake picture but real story. No, the story is also fake.
Josh kicked off our usual orgy of Top 10 lists. He put ten movies in his list but only three were actually worthy of being in the top. That’s a batting average that will put you in the Hall of Fame, so no worries. We were worried, however, by a fake picture of Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin. Not worried so much as disbelieving. There is only one Penguin in my heart and that’s Danny DeVito…or maybe Burgess Meredith.
MONDAY
No one watches the watchmen, apparently.
Look how exasperated the old man is. Now that’s comedy!
On Monday we finally sorta remembered that we report movie news for a living and got a few stories out there. Mostly because we were far enough away from Christmas to stop playing with the new Wii and still not quite involved in pre New Year’s Eve debauchery. So, we paused and told you that Fox are a bunch of dumbasses that we all hate and that Pixar rules, even with one still. The best line of the day was by our own Matt in the comments section of the Watchmen story. He declared that X-Men 3 “sucks ass.” Yes it does my friend, yes it does.
TUESDAY
My vacuum cleaner almost made this list.
THE CB Awards. Like The Ohio State University.
We threw up a few lists of the “best” movies of the year and then quickly got bored and started doing things like “best use of urine in the 40th minute of a comedy” type lists. One was Best Movie Machines. Actually, this is an interesting list. It includes a loom. Then Rafe, Josh, and Katey sat down and came up with the CB Awards. I disagree with almost all their awards. That’s ok, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. Well, actually it does.
Spoiler Alert!
On New Year’s Eve, no one could be bothered to do anything or write anything so all we had was Best Movie Deaths of the year. Boy, that’s a nice way to say adios to 2008. Fitting, I guess. Oh, don’t read that story if you plan on seeing any 2008 movie on DVD or something. It’s got spoilers up the ass which I found out the hard way. .
THURSDAY
I saw this movie. I guess I agree.
I’m going to choose die on this one.
Happy New Year! Well, it’s not New Year’s Day as you read this, but whatever. We kicked off 2009 by giving out the Flaming Hobbit Award. If you want to know what makes a Flaming Hobbit, don’t ask me. I’ve even read the explanation and I still don’t get it. I also don’t get the Funny or Die video that Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn made. It’s not funny. I mean, even a little. No, I’m not kidding.
FRIDAY
And we end the week with a HUGE story.
We finished New Year’s week with a whimper rather than a bang. A pretty much non-story about Hugh Jackman dropping out of a project. I wrote the story and even I don’t find it super interesting. We did put out a lot of year end lists that are worth checking out over the week, so go look those up and we’ll see if we can pick up the pace a little next week.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
