After so many years of watching award ceremonies where nothing technically goes haywire and embarrasses someone for the rest of their lives, my enjoyment of them relies mostly on seeing favored shows and actors winning, obviously, as well as dark horses beating out surer bets. And tonight’s Golden Globes delivered a constant stream of awe-drawing winners, with many young projects gaining spray-tanned superiority over seasoned vets. It also delivered a lot of bleeped-out jokes, because nothing says broadcast hilarity like silence.

Here are the five biggest shocks that we experienced during the Globes. I assume everyone expected the telecast to inspire the mental image of Ricky Gervais having a Golden Globe inserted into one of his orifices, so that didn’t make the cut.

american horror story
Lady Gaga Did It, Guys
When it was announced that Lady Gaga was going to be taking over American Horror Story’s leading lady duties once Jessica Lange opted out of returning, expectations were all over the place. But as the lustful and domineering bloodsucker at the center of the nightmare-driven Cortez on American Horror Story: Hotel, she proved herself a fine actress, even if some of the acting involved murder-humping. Regardless of how spun out the plotline has gotten this season, Gaga has anchored most of the madness in the same way Lange did. Did her Countess inspire better performances than those of her fellow nominees like American Crime’s Felicity Huffman or Fargo’s Kirsten Dunst? Not to these voters.

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