Desperate Housewives Recap: The God-Why-Don't-You-Love-Me Blues

Last night, I was sitting in LaGuardia airport waiting for the last flight to Detroit after a great weekend working in NYC. The flight was late – which made me miss the last flight out of Detroit to Fort Wayne, Indiana. So, while I was supposed to be watching Desperate Housewives, I was instead catching up with my fabulous husband who drove all the way to Detroit to get me. Am I lucky or what?

The ladies of Wisteria Lane aren’t quite that lucky. Or maybe if they would just stop being so dramatic about everything they would be. But a show about everyone being happy wouldn’t last too long, would it?

Speaking of being happy – did Bree forget when Susan told her that a friend sleeping with your ex is a deal-breaker for her? I guess she forgot, or maybe she is just having too much fun to care – because every time Karl gives her a ring, she runs off like a horny teenager. It’s literally only a matter of time till Karl moves on to the next gal and Bree’s left holding the baggage of an affair and a broken friendship. Pleasure is great – but it seems like you might want to think about where it’s coming from before you jump in the sack.

In the midst of getting to a rendezvous with Karl, it becomes very evident that Katherine is not all there. And I do mean mentally. It seems that the shock of Susan and Mike getting married was enough to send one of my favorite gals off the deep end. I can understand portions of it – but the delusions that Kat is suffering from are starting to borderline on straight-up crazy! After learning that Katherine is peeping on Mike, she gives her three weeks off to get well. Katherine comes back to apologize, but when she sees that Bree used her cake design (for her cake when she marries Mike), she flips. Bree ends up firing her, and it’s clear that Katherine isn’t going to take that any better than she took Mike marrying Susan.

Lynette is full on into her second trimester (which means the second three month period of a pregnancy, for the men out there), and with the second trimester comes energy, cravings, and b-o-o-b-s. Big ones. It happens to most women, and though Lynette knew it was coming (after 3 pregnancies, you get it), she wasn’t ready for them yet. None of her blouses fit, and she’s not quite sure how to hide them from the boss man – Carlos. They are impossible to hide, and Carlos thinks she got implants – and encourages her to tell Gaby about them. He also encourages her to whore them out to new clients. When she comes home, Tom admits that he loves big boobs – but he’s glad she doesn’t have them because it makes him feel like they fit together better.

Over at the Solis house, Carlos’ niece Anna is in “love” with John Roland. You might remember him as Gaby’s ex-gardener/high school boy toy. Last week he hired Anna to work in his restaurant, after Carlos gave his approval. This week, Anna does her best to get between the sheets with John. Gaby’s concerned, and John mistakes that for love. He kisses her after offering to “rescue” her from her life – and guess who pops in? Gaby runs off chasing Anna, and Gaby confesses that she and John had an affair. Anna decides to not tell Carlos, and quits her job at John’s restaurant. Gaby lets go of the old mall picture kiosk pics of her and John – tearing them up and leaving them for John to see. She also tells Carlos she’s honest-to-God happy with her life. And I believe her.

My least favorite housewife, Susan, learns even more dirt on her unconscious daughter, Julie, this week. Thanks to Andrew Van de Kamp, she finds out that not only did Julie think she was pregnant, but she’d also dropped out of medical school six months earlier, and the baby daddy was a married guy with initial “D”. That last part came after Susan ransacked Jules’ room. In the midst of the detective work, Julie wakes up and though Susan knows she shouldn’t she grills Julie on all of the things she didn’t know.

Over at the Bolen house, Oedipus Danny wants to drop out of school. His mom, Angie, feeling bad that he’s an outcast and worried that he might “get sloppy”, and bribes Lynette’s remaining twin to hook him up with a nice party. Later, we see her mystery scar again, and Danny promises her he’s going to get rich, get her scar removed, and take care of her. Now, I’ve got two boys, and when my three-year old says he’s going to marry me, I find it cute. If my teenage son was crossing that line, I might find it a little odd. At the party, Danny’s dad is hanging with the teenage girls. Danny confronts him and tells him ominously that “he knows”.

When Danny’s dad “D”ominic visits Julie in the hospital saying he misses her – it all kind of falls into place, doesn’t it?