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Desperate Housewives Recap: Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover

What do you do when your neighbor defends the kid you are pretty sure attacked your daughter? I know what I’d probably do – but then I’d be needing a lawyer myself! I’m no Susan fan, but I’m feeling especially close to her dilemma right now. My daughter hasn’t ever been attacked, but just the fact that I have a daughter draws me in to this story line.

Poor Susan finds out, when Bob gets out of the Bolen’s car, that he’s defending Danny against the charges that he attacked Julie. But, Bob quickly realizes he’s in over his head when the Bolen’s refuse to answer questions about their background. Danny yells out that they’ve got secrets, and it’s clear that he’s telling the truth. Meanwhile, Susan is spreading rumors to the gossip hounds of Wisteria Lane, and Mike asks her to stop, since they don’t have any proof and all. Susan makes it her mission to get some proof that the Bolen’s are up to no good. She goes so far as sitting in her car logging his comings and goings – until Lynette reminds her about what happened with Porter. Nope, didn’t sink in – Susan follows Danny when he leaves the house.

Gaby & Carlos are eating at a restaurant and who should appear when Gaby has creamed spinach all over her shirt? Why, John – that’s right, the guy who was their gardener and her paramour in season 1. Carlos is downright rude, which is way better than my husband would have been in a similar situation, but Gaby is a little flustered. Turns out John’s been divorced for a year, and with the cash he got he bought the very restaurant they are eating in. Later, John shows up to Carlos’ office because his niece Anna showed up at the restaurant looking for a job. Carlos is of course not happy, till John mentions that Gaby would hate it. Gaby does hate it, and Carlos confronts her with her obvious attraction to John. To teach him a lesson, Gaby shows up at a dinner meeting not looking her best. She reminds Carlos that after 11 years of standing beside him through poverty and blindness, he should know better than to test her. He knows she’s right.

Bree and Carl are hot & heavy (which seriously makes me mad – I know Orson is a douche, but I *hate* cheaters!), and he seems to be falling hard for her. She’s totally not interested in romance until he shows up at an event she’s at with another lady. Ouch! Oh and the gal is about half Bree’s age. And when Bree finds out he’s taking his friend to the same seedy motel he takes her to, it looks like the affair might end. The two couples eat dinner together, and it turns out that Carl is jealous and he’s going to put the heat on Bree till she admits that she wants them to be more than just a diversion. Bree pours oil on the dance floor, and the gal breaks her nose when she and Orson fall. Ruthless!

So, turns out Bolen isn’t their real last name. It also appears that they move and change their names every time something bad happens. Every time? That implies more than just one issue, right? And when Susan confronts Danny (who is working under a car) and begins to lower the car on top of him, I’m starting to wonder if Miss Angie Bolen isn’t the crazy one in that family… And later, when she tells Danny where the gun is, and apologizes that they’ve had to raise him on the run because of her – I’m more and more certain that she’s the nutjob.

Tom & Lynette finally tell their kids about their impending arrivals, and NONE of them are happy. They even get a speech about their irresponsibility. Lynette is about to deliver the news to Carlos (who is her boss) that she is knocked up, when he offers her a Senior VP position over another gal who is pregnant. Lynette is shocked, but the 50% raise convinces her and Tom to go for it. At a dinner meeting that same night (that happens to be at John’s restaurant) Lynette can’t refuse a glass of wine from a new client because it’s from his vineyard. Tom takes one for the team and gets a teensy tipsy. Actually he’s completely drunk.

Turns out the cops have evidence via a security camera that Danny was in fact at the liquor store, and he couldn’t have hurt Julie. Susan apologizes to Mike for going psycho, and she helps Angie clean up their yard when the neighbors vandalize the Bolen house. I still say Bob shouldn’t have defended them.