Didn’t we all learn from Alec Baldwin and Michael Richards’ mistakes? #1: When you call your children, you don’t yell at them or say anything remotely controversial, because someone will inevitably be recording it and will get you in trouble. #2: You do not use racial slurs in any context in which you might be recorded (see #1), because it will get you in trouble.

Dog the Bounty Hunter clearly hasn’t been paying attention, as he managed to pull both a Baldwin AND a Richards during a recent phone call to his son. The National Enquirer posted the full audio of the conversation, which is pretty tough to listen to given his horrendous choice of words. He was reprimanding his son for dating a black girl because, as he said, “We use the word n---er sometimes here. I'm not going to take any chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for 30 years because some drunken n---er heard us say n---er and turned us into the Enquirer magazine...I'm not taking that chance at all never in life. Never.”

Um, wow Dog, I think you just did exactly that. Not only is your conversation now in the precise magazine you didn’t want to wind up in, but it’s all of America that’s turning you in, not your son’s girlfriend. I hate to call a situation this nasty funny, but listening to the audio and hearing him go on and on about how he won’t take any chances on ruining his career by letting someone hear him use a racial slur… man oh man the irony.

A&E has cancelled the production on the show for the time being, and E! reports that Dog (a.k.a. Duane Chapman) is already taking the usual self-flagellating apology route, issuing an apologetic statement on Wednesday and meeting with his “spiritual adviser,” who, naturally, is black. Don’t be surprised if a meeting with Al Sharpton is next, unless Sharpton considers himself above low-rent reality stars (as he should).

I’ve never watched Dog the Bounty Hunter, so I have no idea if this is typical behavior from him or not, but it does seem a harbinger of things to come if we continue putting people with no discernible skills or intelligence on TV. I mean, if Britney Spears, who has spent her entire life being told what to do by professional strangers, can slip up so many times in the media, these mass-produced reality stars are bound to come up with one gaffe after another. Obviously not everyone is as flamingly stupid to use racial slurs (over and over again) over the phone, but we’re probably well on our way to have a similar-sized scandal to a similar-sized star once a week from now on. Dog, I recommend that you pull the Alec Baldwin recovery route, and turn in an Emmy-worthy performance on an Emmy-wining TV show. Oh, can’t manage that? Tough luck Dog.

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