Profound Thursdays: My Office Scrubs Rock!

Welcome to your Thursday night special. NBC claims to have brought the funny back to TV. Well, I'm not going to make any ridiculous claims, but I am going to write about ALL four NBC comedies, so take it or leave it. That's right. Get ready for 'Earl,' 'Office,' 'Scrubs,' and 'The Rock'. Bring on the fun.

First and foremost, light beer drinks faster. If you didn't know that already, you certainly do now. Thank you, Randy. Smartest dumb guy I've ever seen. 'My Name is Earl,' the successful sophomore comedy, is a constant source of inside laughs for me. Inside laughs are laughs that don't quite escape. Maybe the body shakes a little bit, maybe the lips quiver, but no laughs exit the mouth. 'My Name is Earl' is usually good for at least 3 to 4 inside laughs.

The current episode of 'Earl' leaves the viewer (me) watching Joy in a predicament. She apparently has a half-sister that should be in court to support Joy's character case. Enter funny. Joy versus Liberty Johnson; mortal enemies. (Sidenote: When the concept for the show dawned upon me, I got excited for the potential of a girl fight.) Also, Earl had another bullet point on his list, #101 Stole Liberty Johnson's identity.

Second and less foremost, women's wrestling is awesome. By awesome I do mean less awesome than male wrestling, but still relatively cool. Someone please remember that DJ Qualls is awesome at being a very skinny white guy. He can play a fake rapper, fake businessman, and now, a fake low-income hillbilly.

Does anyone else enjoy watching two white guys reading a script poorly? Oh shit. I had to stop everything for this line: Do you know where babies come from? Yeah. The bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt. WOW! I'd write it over again, but you can just read it again. that happened. I enjoy when network television pushes the boundaries of things that should or could be said by explaining them in less than intelligent terms. If you have Randy explain the logistics of pubic hair, it's acceptable because he is a bit “slow.” Win-win situation.

I learned something this Thursday night. I should have used a turkey baster, mayonnaise, a raw egg, and a Cornish hen in a science project. Sweet jumping religious figure! I got what I wanted. Girl fighting. Sweet, sweet, straight-up girl wrestling. How can you not love the way Earl somehow becomes a karmic genius while still remaining a dim-witted middle-American? You can't. End. This week's 'Earl' is quite palatable. (In case you didn't notice, I'm writing while watching. Why? Because I want you to experience this as I am. Your welcome).

'The Office' is dry, witty, sharp and hilarious. You already know this. So, I won't bore you with any back story. I'll just recount my deep feelings regarding this episode. I can tell you this: watching television shows all the way through, with commercials, sucks. I didn't know that Disney would dare make a sequel to something as precious as Cinderella. Commercials aren't that great. So, on to 'The Office' and a wedding. An office wedding.

I enjoy this show. Where 'Earl' gives me at least 3 to 4 inside laughs, The Office usually is good for at least 10 inside laughs and 1 to 4 actual chuckles. This time, I coughed out a chuckle right out the gate. Maybe it is because my father was a wedding photographer for fifteen years and I've been to a lot of crap-tastic weddings. Current actual laugh count: twice. The writers are talented. Scratch that: thrice. I envy these writers. I hope you can enjoy this show AND feel my personal pain.

By the way, if you were expecting this tale to review something or be informative, or anything like that, you are sorely mistaken. I just want to share my joys, my pains, and my giggles with you. I feel warm inside now. I know you do too. Alas, I digress.

So, Phyllis is getting married. How that happened, I will not know. I bet her character has a great personality. I hear that is important. Back to the show. One word: Scrantonicity. Wait. Three words. Scrantonicity covers Roxanne. Enjoy

Think about weddings for just a moment. Aside from them having a few awesome things (open bars, good food, cake) they normally suck. Add in a boss with a severe complex and you have a ridiculous display of insensitive, unpleasant, uncalled for speechery (not a word). I wish I could give a speech with one-quarter the amount of awkwardness that Michael Scott offered at Phyllis' wedding. Awkward speeches plus the lack of a laugh track equals good show.

Current score: NBC-2, Things I'm not watching-0

Now, I come to a low point that actually hurts me. Prior to this year, I really liked 'Scrubs.' In fact, it was one of my favorite shows (and I like a lot of TV). However, this year (rumored to be the last) has really been awkward at times. Have I laughed? Yes. Have I had moments of joy? Sure. But it hasn't been like the old days. I feel old because of this, therefore, my opinion is negative automatically. So, ultimately, I'm sad now. This episode hasn't moved me. This season hasn't moved me. Because I can, I will just move on. Alec Baldwin will save the day. NBC has faltered, no points awarded.

'30 Rock' is an interesting show. First, does anyone else notice that Tina Fey has a serious facial scar? How did I not see that on 'Saturday Night Live?' Second, I wasn't going to like this show. I gave it three weeks of DVR love and then was going to toss it, but wily Alec got me going. His cool, calm, smooth delivery of joke-age tickles my taint just right. So, I gave 'The Rock' a fourth episode, then a fifth. Now, I'm sucked into to Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. Tracy Morgan sucks big time, but I can deal with it because amazing funny comes out of Feldwin.

If you've grown bored, I'm sorry. If you've enjoyed where I've taken you, I'm sorry. There's one show left on NBC's awesome line-up, but I must be honest. I'm tired. I know, I know. It's only 9:50 PM, but I went to a wine tasting, so you understand. Bottom line: Tina Fey is a decent writer. I gave her zero credit on 'SNL,' but now I've seen her prowess. It is good. You're probably sitting there saying to yourself, who the dick is this guy to tell ME what Tina Fey is and is NOT good at. Well, I'm Craig and you've read this far, so screw you. Tina Fey is better than I thought, get over it.

Any writer that is ballsy enough to reference an opposing show is quality. Within the first moment, Tina Fey called upon 'Ugly Betty,' a show I don't watch but know is popular because I read things. '30 Rock' is pretty funny. I'd like them to fire Tracy Morgan and hire anyone else.

For those of you who watch the show, you already know that Alec is king. For those of you who don't, Alec is king. Big Beef 'N Cheddar is always funny. I'm sure this nonsense rant makes no sense at all. However, know this: you just read about 1250 words so you're, like, a literate individual. Congratulations. You're good at stuff. Once again, Tina Fey hit the funny button. The out loud funny button. Liz Lemon got flowers from an unknown source.

I have to take a break right now because I laughed for several seconds in a row. TV rarely does that. That is why NBC made a deal with the devil. In this case, the devil is Alec Baldwin. He is a big movie star and now he's on television. Therefore, he can bring the big movie magic to the small screen. Code word: Alec Baldwin getting drunk is hilarious. Please pronounce HEE-lair-EE-us. That way, you'll get the feeling that I got when I saw it. From there, the show progressed to softer territory with Lemon falling for a guy who is with someone else and realizing that the flowers weren't even sent for her. I feel like part of the show is to really tear down Liz Lemon's femininity. That way, she can fit in with the guys, yet still be a woman whenever they need her to be. that, my friends, is my profound statement of the week. Thank you and come again.